once upon a time....

ever thought of whether each of you have ever been traumatised till it scares the shit out of you till dis very dae? till you're actualli living thru the nightmares of waking up feeling afraid? alone? scared?

a boy.

traumatised by his own mother. who apparently did not go for anger management class. lost control of herself. almost hit him with a wooden thing. till dis dae he cried upon reminicsing those moments. still wondering whether his dear mother was trying to kill him.

weird.

pissed. angry. cried.

because of them. this friendship has taught me alot of things. that i cant have everything. that i have to compromise. that i have to understand. that we are no longer in the same school. and dat keeps us apart. why? cause i am too busy. busy with things around me. busy trying to put up a happy front. busy hiding my feelings. my pain. my hurt from them. busy is what they said. busy to lack of communication to we are not like last time. my fault. my bad. that i thought this will never be an issue. that i was too ambitious. that i dream and wish too much. a girl facing reality that nothing in this world stays the same. love them too much that didnt realise i might be seeing them slip from my own fingers. string of friendship could snap. anytime. realised that i cant take things for granted. i am gonna mend this. promise.

a troubled fren.

noone wants to help her. her plight. her problems. her suicidal hormones. as long as this author lives i wont let this character drown in her sorrowness. my dear fren, leave him. your family is there waiting for you with open arms. i will guide you with the almighty's help. insyallah. dun ever give up. this is your biggest task/challenge. you can do this.

my beloved family.

am loving them more every single dae.

the family of dramaticians.

this heart beats for our success.

dear sister.

the best character in my life story.

kudos to dramatec!

yeahh...i noe its been long since i updated....

well nothing interesting lately tho. only 2 distince events which is in my mind ryte now.

firstly that dae i went out shopping with my brother. ehhe..had fun...hearts him. then went to geylang to meet yusry n his frens. he asked me to make my way to joo chiat frm paya lebar. haha me n izam took ages sia to reach der cuz we dunno d place. ahaha. lucky gt izam at least hes more street-smart-er den mua. ahha...den meet yus's frens. they are nice bunch of people. ahah but i got too shy cuz soo many guys. so we separated frm dem. and besides i had to buy my bag and im dead tired cuz dat daae had tuition den had sch den went out wit izam. when i got back without changing i slept. ahha...culdnt taake it nemore.

den just now went to magus luna! ohh it was awesommeee!!! niceee...i loikkke!!! herzi's grp was very glitzy n glamourish. i like ilyas's voiceee! ahah and fadz! raz, why nva sing dis time? someone take ova ur place ehh? ehhe den d dance was grreat. and my gfs....phie. charm. fifi. wan2. honey. athina. eileen. ahha...oh god! u guys make me soooo proud. seriously. i love each n one of you. u make my dream become a reality play. i love it. love it so much! ahaha...the best performance to me dat dae! ahha..love3 it! den i relli find dil n joe's performance real cute. and d cat n d unicorn. ahahha damn cutelah mas n yazid! ahah...oh god sister fie!!!! love you! good job folks!!! kudos to dramatec!!!!!!

i am dissapointed with you. very disappointed.

to d rest who went to magus luna hope u guys enjoyed urself. to those who didnt go, u guys missed an opportunity to feel like ur in a fairytale world.

love you dramatec peeps!

STRENGTH OF THE LADIES...

i can do this.
i noe i can.
i noe i will.

its tough. noone never said it was easy.
and ive always broken my own promises.
and dissapoint myself.

but im gonna stop now.
but i need more help than before this time.
and i shall name some names who are already with me on this journey.

first and foremost,
siti fairuz. my cousin. my sister. my bestfriend. my cik salmah.
she made me think. she made sure i dont use my feelings to make a decision. and also disallow me to make hasty decisions. think before u do anything. dont just feel. thats wad she said. she taught me not to think with my heart. and i hafta learn to accept reality. thanks sis. i owe you one.

next,
amalina juhari. my bitch. my sister. my life.
you were there for me all night that day giving me advice. you helped me alot. you made my tears dry up. i love you baabe. noone can replace ya. thank you for all youve done. i know i can count on you. yes its not easy to be amalina's fren but once u are her fren, its difficult not to be her fren. shes d best ama you can ever get. my best friend.

izam. my brother. my dude.
hes been there fer me all my life. aha. thx fer d advice that dae dude. love ya...

bambang,
bambang is my fren in poly. a good guy fren. thanks fer making me realise how stupid ive been. i needed a guys point of view and u were there fer me. thank you so much..

my love. my gurlfrens-seri zie ama
i love you all. tho i didnt haf the opportunity to tell u guys yet whats going on i will soon. very soon. insyallah when we meet up. i love you all. and i wanna hug u gurls real badly. love you girls so much. nooone can haf a clique like us. we're the best ever. like sisters already.

ooze.
thanks fer cheering me up and always be there at the perfect time. ahha love you dude!

jannah.
thanks for reading my blog and the fact that you asked me whether i am ok touched me alot. thank you so much and im soo sorrie that i didnt wish you on your birthday!!!1
NOW I SHALL WISH YOU A BIGGG HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! HOPE THIS YEAR WILL BE DIFFERENT FOR YOU AND YOU WILL FIND ALL THE HAPPINESS YOU DESERVE. MAY YOU BE SURROUNDED WITH YOU FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND SOON TO BE A LOVELY GUY ALWAYS...HEHE TAKE CARE DARLING!

aisyah.
didnt noe u read my blog too. aha thx fer asking whether im oryte. nice and very touching indeeed. well. hope lifes going on well fer ya. take care.

and to all other readers,
thank you fer ur care n concern. heart ya'll.

and lastly to the person who put me into this plight.
ma gurls gonna make me strong.

The Pussycat Dolls - I don't need a man

ladies...we dont need a man to satisfy us...

Me Myself and I

get this into your head adeen. its just me myself and i. youre no longer needed.

christina aguilera

the video that speaks my heart.

my dear sister siti fairuz, loving you always. and adeen this heart yearns for you.

i am feelin really empty...

came across this song while i was at bugis library with ooze while waiting fer yusry to come and meet us. made me think alot about adeen...haiz these hands of mine are so tempted to just press the three words i am sorry and send that text message to him but lucky thing i was smsing fifi seri and yus at that point of time so it sorta distract me. i am struggling to forget it. struggling to stop this weak heart of mine from feeling like im at a loss. struggling to stop myself from apologizing to him. struggling to pretend that i am fine and i dont need him. why should i hurt myself like this? a question that i myself am unable to answer.

that day was a blast. took my mind of alot of things. at first was kinda bad. ahha i made fiqah cry. ahha cuz she didnt do my work. i didnt scold her. just that when i hugged her and asked whether she was angry at me she cried. haiz kesian lah pulak. but well i hafta be firm. love her. that kid. ehhe...

then was supposed to go outwit yusry. waited fer his sms and call fer like ages. ahha...his momma told me he was still asleep. i was pissed initially. lucky thing my saviour ferooze sms me and we went out to library bugis while waiting fer fifi and seri dearest. on my way there yusry smsed me saying he was siap-ing. nonsense sia him. ahaha. den all of us met up. had our break fast together. we had sooo much fun. he was crappin all d way. glad that all my friends enjoyed his company. ahah especially that someone. ahahha....so farnie lah he...seri hope u like ur prezzy...its not tt much tho. eheh

after that me and fifi had a girls night out to geylang. ahha cuz d rest had to go home n yus had to go meet up his fren jammin. so me n fifi went out. geylang was aite. tho not like last time but much betta then bugis nyer bazaar. much much betta. then had a long chat abt drama at coffee bin. was so much fun. ahha made a fool of ourselves. SARIMAH SARIMAH! ahahha...private joke!

we then went hoome. she slept over my place. had anotha long talk. was sooo relieving fer me. we misssed each oda so much. ahha i need her in my life as she makes me think straight. you make me feel so much betta sis...i love you beb! SARIMAH SARIMAH! ahaha..love you dear sis! muakz!

then d next dae we had malay drama. abg anwar was so professional. very inspiring. den had anoda lepakin session. oklah. ahha then went to fifi's house. we slept like pigs that morning after sahur. ahha woke up like 12. ahah been long man since i did that. i tink like d last time was a week ago. darn! ahhaha

well, here goes d lyrics.

hurt-christina aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

Ooh, oohI would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you