Suara Hati

Aku melukut di tepi gantang.
Menunggu kehadhiran mu.
Tapi kau biarkan aku ditelani arus kerinduan.

Tawa dan senyumanmu.
Kini telah menjadi hanya igau-igauan.
Suaramu yang pernah mententeramkan jiwa
Kini jauh di lubuk hati.

Dolak-dalik, mundar-mandir.
Hati ini seperti dialam neraka.
Dimana ia dihancurkan lalu dibina lalu dihancurkan lagi.
Pedih.

Sayang masih terasa.
Keinginan masih ada.
Tapi apakan daya.
Jika diri ini sudah tidah berdaya.

Scared the wits of me

I dont know what will become of us, really. Hes still not ready to gimme answers. And im just waiting for his answers. The thing is im afraid time will not be on our side. I dont know. I just am not sure now.

Mummy is sick. Today was a scary day for me. Real scary.

Nothing left.

Gone. Just gone.

Adakah?

Penghargaan? Menghargai? Diharga?

I love him.

Leave.

Again i let her take control over me. I want it to end. I want this war inside me to stop. Just stop. Leave me alone. Just go. Im tired of laughing one minute and the other crying my hearts out. Just stop. Please stop all these.

The light among the darkened days.

Woke up at 5am. Cooked nasi goreng for the famm and after subuh, arnd 6.20, went out to Pasir Ris beach to catch the sunrise. With dearie...<3 however, instead met with something interesting that throughout my whole 18 years, ive never seen such a sight. How the bright day turned gloomy. How it affected the waters. It turned green when the overcast blocked the sun. How the clouds started to spread like pieces of cotton wool being pulled and stretched till it covers every inch of the sky. It felt scary at times when the overcast was above us. Then it started to pour. Real heavily...We walked to the nearest shade. Dear stayed there while i went out to the breakwater in front of us and stood there. In the rain. Oh, i swear to God, it felt good being in the rain. Its so refreshing. And at the right corner of the sky, in between two dark clouds was the sun trying to emerge and shine its rays. It was like a glint of hope during the darkest hours. It was very beatiful experiencing all that. It meant so much to me looking at it. I hope that glint of hope has a meaning behind all these.

Congrats acap!

Somehow i just felt as if im outside. Dunno why. Over-sensitive prolly. I miss them dearly. But time not allowing us to spend time together. And i feel ive lost track with their updates. Get a grip of yourself hid!

Acap won his national youth workout championships!!! ehheh...I actually went all the way to jurong east (which without surprise i got lost) and watched his performance...it was full of gusto and real high energy. prolly thats why they won. cause if eu talked about choreography there were quite a few schools with good choreography too. but oh well, whats imp is HE WON! hehhe...congrats adek!

I miss him dearly.

simple. beautiful. moment.

A movie date with dearest after what seemed like quite a while since we really had a time of our own. It was short, but really fruitful. Hehe. Quality beb, quality. Went to watch rattatouille. Damn cute, but at times i was grossed out at the MANYYY rats! Ewww...i just despise them. Urgh. But in that show the rat was simply adorable...and his cooking looked delicious. Or maybe i was just hungry. Hehe. After which, went to eat. But dearie didnt wanna eat, so it was just me eating. Hahaha. Seemed weird initially but i was too hungry to bother. Then we went back. Coz he had to visit his grandfather at the hospital and i went to belajar ugama. Though the amount of time spent was short, it was simple, beautiful.

SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL.

Excitement!

Hehe. Know the feeling when eu just started to fall in love? hehe. thats how i feel...though ive loved him for what 5 mths alreadi but i still feel the excitement... the butterflies in my tummy...the missing him 24/7...the cant live without msging or contacting the person...the never failing i love yous...hehe. insyallah, meeting him on friday after what seemed like a long time...its like the feeling of a first date...hehe!

Kakak, thanks for everything...you were there to lift my spirits up back again. Without you, i won't think i would be strong enough to handle this. hydil, thanks for "crying" for me the other day. haha! And thanks to seri for the support also...=)

Sayang,let the journey begin! I love you.

Shopping spreeeeeeeeeeee!

SHOPPING SHOPPING SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehhe...it was definitely thereaputical. shopping can make ur pain even go away...haha...for awhile only though...went shopping with ucu and whow, i was contented in the end. =) bought a dress from utopia, make-up stuffs and 2 shoes from charles and keith. the brothers spent more than me la...they bought their hari raya tops and jeans from esprit and levis and adik bought a shoe from puma. we spent hundreds in just a day. whow, i wanna earn alot when im working so i can spend like that...how wonderful eyy? hehe...

im gonna put on that dress during my date with darling boyfriend. hehe.

"im glad the light is shining back..."

Dear, Mr Light.

The girl was crying and shivering her way out.
She was literally shaken.
She was scared.

Afraid that the light will turn to darkness.
Leaving her all alone to fight her fears.
When darkness is enthrusted upon her, she starts to hallucinate.

She wants back her light.
She wants to see the rainbow.
She is so scared right now.

Shes crying out loud.
Screaming and shouting.
But can anyone hear?

Clueless. Afraid. Unsure.
Thats how she feels.
Where is her light?
She wants him back.

Mr Light, please forgive that lil girl. She wants you back. Can you come now?

Calling out to you.

im sorry....i miss you so much...

where are you?
why arent you msging me?
why arent you calling me?
why arent you answering my cries?

im calling out to you.
please answer me baby.

Happy Eighteenth Sayang!

Happy birthday dearest Seri! =)

Ceh3! dah 18 sehhh...finally! hopefully 18 is an age where new things begin and our minds are more mature to explore the world at a higher stake. Cheers to the friendship and may God be with eu always...

much love <3

Tiga malam tanpa bintang

Kasih.. maafkan diriku
Banyak dosaku padamu
Tidak terhitung jari jemari daku
Tak dapat dibilang bagai bintang beribu
Sukarnya diriku menebus kekhilafan yang lalu

Kasih.. engkau tak bersalah
Hanya hatiku yang buta
Tulus dan ikhlas kau korban jiwa raga
Dan tanpa belas ku buat kau kecewa
Ku tahu dirimu sukar melupakan segalanya

Tiga malam tanpa bintang
Dan diriku dihimpit penyesalan
Arah tuju kian fana
Kerna hilangnya manira
Bagaikan siang diselubung gerhana

Kembalikan senda tawa
Pulangkanlah manis disenyum manja
Ku pahatkan keinsafan
Dan patrikan kesetiaan
Sehingga nadi menafikan nyawa

Kasih.. maafkan diriku
Banyak dosaku padamu
Tidak terhitung jari jemari daku
Tak dapat dibilang bagai bintang beribu
Sukarnya diriku menebus kekhilafan yang lalu

Kasih.. engkau tak bersalah
Hanya hatiku yang buta
Tulus dan ikhlas kau korban jiwa raga
Dan tanpa belas ku buat kau kecewa
Ku tahu dirimu sukar melupakan segalanya
Kasih…

Exams over bebeh!

Exams are over maynnnnn! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! hehe...apa lagi? party2 ahh! heheh. Went to esplanade on thurs after our last paper. with fudgie wudgie, fima, kakak and baba and my dearest wan. Went to eat at banquet then took bus all the way to marina square and bought secret recipe cake and famous amous and chilled at esplanade rooftop! heheh...been awhile since we all hang out...so that was fun! played card games and as usual, im always the loser. BOOHOOOHOOO! hehe...then dearest very busted ahh...always side them and kacau me. hehehe...but still love him cuz he was dead tired that day but still went out with me. It brought me to tears looking at how tired he was but hiding behind those smiles...Love eu hunney.

The more we love each other, the more sensitive we get towards each other. Why? Cause' when we love, we tend to use more of our feelings. Hence, every lil step that the person makes will affect eu in some way or another. He makes me cry but he never fails to make me smile. Love, the meaning still unknown but i know im in it. How? I just know.