Dear God, Bring On The Rain

Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost, but not the war

cause Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It's almost like the hard times circle round
A couple drops, and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
and I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead

I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight

cause tomorrow's another day
and I am not afraid
So bring on the rain

Heard you talk about leavin'
Heard you talk about leavin' before
Heard you talk about givin' up on me
Heard you talk about changin'
But talk is cheap and I've heard it all before
It used to be that I'd fall apart
but that don't work no more
Cause you cant leave half way
And i cant let you stay

Take your promise
Take your pain
Take your restless heart
If you go
Go all the
Don't look back
Cause in my heart you've been gone so long
I wont miss you that bad
If you go
Go all the way
Don't look back

She asked me why I'm not crying
Cause I did all of my crying before
I took off my pretty party dress
And I don't dance no more
I don't need someone else
To make me feel myself

And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it’s cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone

Letting Go

Letting Go.
The art of it.

It was never easy. To let go of something which you have kept with you for so long. Which you have built from scratch. Which you have loved. But in life there are times where you can't afford to sacrifice others for your own sake. It was heartbreaking to see them slipping from my grasp. They have ran away too far that i myself couldnt keep up to their pace.

Changes.
Why people just couldnt accept changes? Cause they refuse to get out of their comfort zone. Comfort zone of knowing the person. How can they really know me when sometimes i dont even know myself? Yes, ive changed. But im happy with who i am everytime i change. I change at my own will at my own risk. As long as it makes me happy. Shouldnt they feel the same way?

Superficial.
Why does everything in life has to be about fame, money, gold, status? Why cant we resort to simplicity and being humble with the small lil things we have and appreciate them. Appreciate the small lil thing one does and you will eventually learn to treasure the person more. (That ive learnt and ive changed. Is that wrong,no?)

Assumptions.
Assuming can make an ass out of you and me. (ASS-U-ME) Why believe in stories which are plucked from the sky or out of another soul's gaping mouth? Why not ask the person itself whats going on? Why resort to assumptions and gossipings and accusations? Why go through all the trouble when im just a call or msg away?

Words NO Actions
Yes, i admit. No actions seem to be done by me. I chose not to. Cause my reason is simple. I want to see where the trust we have built so far? Where has the love all gone to? I did try. I did and you know that. But you chose to still be firm with your decision. Fine, i will be with mine too.

Lessons learnt
Stop all the talking. Stop all the bitching. Cause youre hurting your own friend.

I.M.U!

I miss my handsome baby...<3

My darlings...Happy 18th Farah!

First and foremost, i wanna wish a huuugeee HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY FARAH JUNITA!!!

She is my bestfriend. Someone i treasure and is close to my heart. Very close indeed. Alongside with my other darlings...Seri, Aziemah, Ferooze.



Girl...its been awhile since we met. Awhile since we had a proper chat. Awhile since we shared a heart to heart talk. Awhile since ive seen your smile. Heard your laughter. Laughed at your bitchiness. =)

Nothing will ever separate our friendship. Cause its built with purity and sincerity and love. Nothing else. We have went thru alot girl. We have built from nothing till something.

Things have changed eversince we are no longer in the same school. Alot has evolved. Alot has progressed. You have found the love of your life. Youre contented with your life now. Youre really happy now, and that im soo glad. I share your utmost happiness and joy.

Never once have i left you out of my mind and heart. Never. Same goes for the rest of the darlings. You guys are still in my heart and mind.

Happy 18th girl...



I love you.





And i love them.

PPP

Today is the day. The judgement day.
Haha. Macam paham!

Pesta Peti Putih

We have went through alot. Thick and thin together. Through the blaring sun and the pouring rain, we are still standing strong. Biarlah apa orang nak kata. Biarlah apa keputusannya, aku bangga dengan korang. Bangga dengan apa yang kita telah capai selama ni. All the hardwork put in, the efforts, the smiles, the tears, the laughters, the torments, the pressure, the stories, the lives, the script, the casts, the crew, the relationship.

There is a reason why we are here. We are chosen by God to platform this story. There is a reason why God chose these two souls as characters in my story. Kenapa terlintas perkataan Pagar itu di fikiranku. Kenapa tercetus hati mereka untuk melengkapkan lagi cerita ini. Cerita yang aku sendiri lalui kadang2. Cerita yang kebanyakkan orang lalui.

Privisi:Pagar.
My first baby. A big baby that is. Aku sayang cerita ini.

Cause its real and i am very much thankful to God cause my casts could relate to it very well. At least theres a platform for them to luahkan. Luahkan perasaan yang terpendam itu. Im very much proud of my actresses. And yes, we have only two performers on stage. How cool huh? Nareeze dan Ubaidah, thank you. Terimah kasih kerana korang telah buat my dreams come true. Apa yang selama ini dalam imagination aku dipentaskan dan diterima oleh masyarakat. All these while, you guys had tolerated my critisisms, my pressure. Tapi korang must know yang aku sayang korang. Aku tetap sayang korang. You are the heart of the play. The heart of the story. There are noone made perfect for this play other than you both. Rosnah dan Lydia-hanya menjadi memori dalam hati dan ingatan ku. Its been a pleasure guys.

To my nadi people aka the crew, what else can i ask from them? Theyre perfect. A bunch of energetic and supportive souls. Tanpa korang, cerita ini bak kata seseorang yang tiada naluri dan perasaan. The reason why this story is colourful, impactful, haunting and beautiful is because of the sound, the lightings and the moving of set. Thank you for going through this journey with me. I apologize kalau aku ada menyusahkan korang atau menyinggung perasaan korang. Thank you my dear. Thank you for all the effort put in. Sayang korang!

Khas untuk Shahid, SM-ku, thank you for being very biiitchh..heheh. haiz. kau best ah beb! very girl...i like...haha very sopan also. thanks dude! sayang kau!

ASM-Nadiah, kamu ini sungguh pelik orangnya. Never fail to make me awed by what she wears...macam interesting gitu! hehe...Thanks eh for everything...be it the commitment and motivations support and helping us with this journey. Ku sayang mu!

Kepada PM-ku tersayang NAZARATUL FARHANA AJMAIN....yang penting ajmain tu...hahah..kau ni best tau! very makcik dan very sweet dan very pedas pun kekadang...hahah! and i love the doughnuts! hehe..."kau selalu di hatiku...setiap waktu.....walaupun kau tak tahu...bagai bidadari...lalallal" aku tak tau lyric kau da...heheh...thanks for everything. your initiativeness and ARTISTIC VALUE akan tersemat dalam hatiku! <3

Khas untuk Propmaster dan Para-para make-up artistku, korang lah tulang belakang kita jugak tau...kalau takda orang jaga props, mati aku...kelam kabuut nk cari barang la nak aturkan barang la...aku ni senang hilang barang..ah kan nanti time performance lupa bawak barang ke atau misplace ke mati orang nanti! ahha...bak kata naza, "meninggal!" dan make-up artists ku yang jelitawan2...thanks for beautifying my casts and crew...tanpa kejambuan mereka ahh nanti satu2 muka busuk macam aku...hhehe...love you ghurrrlllls! =)

Dan akhir sekali, salam terakhir...ok2 ter-sidetrack sikit..."janji? JANJI!" ok...kepada co-director aku aka kakak aka my partner in crime...haha. thanks dear for helping me thru this journey. guiding me..pointing out my mistakes...we have gone through alot together and finally a production where we work together is a dream come true. i have always wanted to work with you and i have learnt alot under your wings of guidance. terima kasih kerana memberiku peluang untuk expand my horizon and instill some skills in me. You never fail to impress me with your work and still youre my source of inspiration. Calming me down, de-stressing me, thank you. I am so glad cause we have achieved wuite a sum huh? Insyallah, our efforts are paid off.

Dan last but not least, i want to thank all those who never fail to support us. All the ekamatra people who never stop giving us encouragement, thanks guys youre all so shuweeet! Bedah, kita smua miss kau la! hehe..thanks for the flowers beb and all the motivational support eu give us! Hydil aka Gemuk, Kau ni kan..kalau takda kau boring..hehe...jadi thanks eh for everything! "insyallah..kalau boat tu jalan kau tetap akan gemuk..insyallah..insyallah...kalau..." hahah...inside joke! And to the rest who came down that fridae 20th July 2007, thank you for allowing some of your time and coming down to support us. This heart of mine appreciates every lil effort you guys have done for us. A BIGGG THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

and akhirnya, untuk sayang2ku My lovely boyfriend, izam, fadz fie saba, ama, and my gfs...Tanpa korang yang beriku semangat, aku raser dah lama aku dah give up. Its damn tiring...and you guys made me keep on going...Sayang, thank you for understanding my job. Thank you for buying for me food when you know i havent eaten the whole day even though it was already 12 am and eu still ride and met me underneath my blk just to ensure i will eat. I love you dear...! MUahhhh tooo everyone!!!!!!!

Ok guys, lets pray to GOD. BREAKK A LEGGG BABY!

Please.

my head feels like bursting out its contents. and my heart feels like drowning itself in tears. i cant stand the pressure anymore. i cant stand people pushing me around. i cant take this anymore. i cant. please. please stop doing this to me. im sorry, im not strong enough for you. for all of you. i am not strong enough to take all these at one go. please. please have some mercy for me. i beg of you, please.

just please.
leave me alone.

Love is in the air

It seems that everyone seems to be in love. <3 And that is a damn good sight! Tehheee! Thank God for showing me all the love around me.

First of all, congrats to Kakak and Saba. And Baba has just turned 18. Happy 18th baba! They have went a long way to reach where they are now..They're damn sweet...hehhe. They are each other's sunshine. i dont have a picture of them together, so this will do. =)



Then i want to congratulate these two lovebirds! ahhaha. Finally they have made it official! hahah. my gemuk partner and my bijan! Damn cute couple! ehhehe. Hearts them to bits!



And finally, this charming man here has entered my life. As what ama said, its weird how we can get together, i agree with her. Haha. Out of all people, hes the one God has chosen for me. I love him like none other. He opened my eyes and heart to many wonderful things. There are still more to learn about him, about us, about myself. Baby, hold my hand and lets explore the world together. I love you...<3

my caramel frappucino.

i love him. and i cant stop saying that.

thanks for the caramel frapp baby...hehe. im sorry the other day i was all silent on you. i was not feeling good...baby, i love you. so much. please dont ever leave me k? stay with me. be with me by my side dear. cause i need you badly sayang...i miss you baby.

my sweet caramel frapp-muhammad ridzwan.

sick.

i just needed him badly today.
is that too much to ask for?
is that too much to expect from your own boyfriend?
is that too much of a burden to you?

it feels like someone is hammering my head.
and poking needles in my stomach.
and my whole body is shivering feeling cold.

and all i need was you.
instead you blame me for not being understanding.

i was very disappointed. very disappointed.

8 am....

It was a beautiful morning. Woke up by mummy's cheerful voice saying, " Its 8! kater nak pergi breakfast?" With that, i immediately got up and took a looong wonderful bath. Looking at the mirror i told myself, " This is it. He's gonna meet them."

Baby came at 9 am sharp. He came and enter into the premises of my earthly heaven-home. While i was getting ready, the heart could not stop thumping. I could even hear it with the humble ears of mine. Yes, i was nervous.

Baby took my family's car and we then all drove to my favourite place. Where i always find my solace and do my soul searching-the beach. Baby helped Ayah lay the mat and all. We finally settled on a place after much qualms and had our breakfast.

Then came Cik Ogy's family with her beautiful ones. Baby Hayden was there and i cuddled him throughout the time we were there. He makes me feel real warm and at ease. And when i held him in my arms, its like holding an innocent piece of writing and smiling at it as youre amazed of how wonderful it is.

After which, Baby, me and my family all went to Cik Ogy's crib. Her wonderful white house. Yes, her house is literally white. We all slacked there, watching TV.

I then went home with Mummy and Ayah and Baby. I had to take my clothes to go to TPAC, Mummy and Ayah had to get ready for jemputan while Baby took his bag from my house and his bike. We slacked in the living room for awhile while waiting for dear parents to groom themselves up.

Then we left. Going on our own ways. I swear he made my day. He carved that smile onto my face, till now. Till this very moment. I love him, dear God. I do.

He is real. He is the truth. He is my life. My everything. My love. My mind. My body. My soul. My inspiration. My motivation. My strength. My angel. My baby. My sunshine. My stars. My rainbow.

I love him.

I have been, i am, and will always be.

whirlpool of emotions

have you ever felt that
you want to drown yourself in tears?
you want to just cry onto someone's shoulders and keep on crying?
you want to just run away from all the chaos?

i need it badly.
can someone tell me how?

baby, please hold on to what we have. i may not be always there for you now, you know that. im caught up with schedules and etc. baby, thanks for understanding. thanks for still showing your concern despite the pain i put you through. baby, youre a miracle that happens to me. and i thank God for that. i love you baby, i love you so much. thank you honey. thank you for being my smile and my rainbow. thank you sayang for being the patience when all i do was being angry at small lil things. thank you for being the strength when i felt like giving up. baby, stay with me. stick with me. cause i need you to be with me on this ride.

to my darlings, i love you guys no matter whut. i swear i always feel the pain rejecting ur offers to meet up and not being able to attend our chillin sessions and not being able to call yoou guys and ask what has been happening. i miss you guys.

damn, i miss you guys.

my spice.

i miss my baby...=)

urgh!

i lost my phone...grrrr!

=(