i miss this.

oh please, appreciate!

this is it.
this is the truth.
are you ready?

are you ready for love in the first place?
if you are, then why the hell are you doing this to her?
going around using that sweet words of yours.
chatting up with thm girls.

if youre not ready, tell it to her.
if youre not wanting to commit, tell it to her.
dont do this.
youre making yourself look like a jerk.
stupid asshole.
thats whats written on your face.

i hate what youre doing.
hurting her like that.
its gotta stop.
its gotta stop NOW!

you could do so much better.
whats wrong with you?

Stream of tears flowed.
Pouring out whats kept within.
Whispers the heart with every breath.

The rainbow which we were about to see.
You stopped halfway and said you were bored.
It leaves me now with the question.
"What is my presence for then?"

I turned cold.
I turned numb.
Not even the pain i felt.
Not even the tears i could find.
Panicked arose.
But with your touch, i found them again.
The problem is now, it couldn't stop.

Now, its sore.
Its fragile.
Its weak.
Mending this broken heart of mine.

Oh god, im scared.
Don't drain me dear God.
Please God, please.

i can't do this.

He is afraid.
He is not ready.
Its okay i tell myself.
Maybe its still too early, right?

But baby, i just hope you will stay true to me.
Im not just another girl who comes in and out of your life.
I hope you will one day.
Eventually bring me to your side.

I will wait for that time to come.
Please baby, let me be the last.
Cause i dont want anyone else.
But you.
Insyallah.

In a dark room.
Alone, there i was.
I don't know where i am. Or whether there was anyone else.
I tried calling out names.
But no response.
Locked. The door was locked.

I tried groping around.
Searching for something to give me at least a clue of where i am.
Prison? In a hole? Grave?
Where?!

No, not the prison. Cause i felt the door handle. Not the grave nor the hole either. So i am in a room. Ok, that's settled.

Now, why am i here again?
Why is the room dark?
Why do i seem confused?
I do hear footsteps now and then.
But noone came to open this locked door.
Why?
I need some light, food, air.

Ok, maybe what i need to do is to imagine.
Convince myself that there is light.
'close your eyes hidayah...and see that light? can you see it?'
YES! YES, i can.

now, my room is bright.
and someone did open the door eventually.
Yeay! There's light!

but wait, is this real or just me being in denial?
oh shit.

Sebab aku sayang.
Sayang dengan apa yang ada pada aku sekarang.
Aku sayang nak lepaskan apa yang ada dalam dakapan ku sekarang.
Aku sayang nak biarkan dia pergi.
Tapi nak tak nak, aku nak kena lepaskan sikit jer.

Aku sedih mak.
Aku sedih dia buat aku cam gini.
Mungkin maksud dia lain mak.
Mungkin dia tak tahu.
Dia tak perasan.
Tapi mak, pedih mak.
Aku takut mak.
Aku takut aku tak boleh seperti dulu lagi dengan dia mak.

Harapan untuk bersama.
Harapan untuk mencapai kejayaan.
Adakah ia angan-angan semata-mata.
Atau ada kemungkinan ia menjadi?

Ada orang kata,
janga terlalu harapkan sangat.
Kenapa?
Salah ker harap?
Bukan nyer kita harapkan sesuatu yang buruk.
Kita harapkan benda yang mungkin boleh dicapai mungkin tidak.
Itulah masalahnyer.
Bila harapan tak tercapai.
Apa jadi?

Nangis.
Bingit.
Perah minyak.
Salahkan diri sendiri.
"Bodoh. Saper suruh kau harap tinggi2?"
Tapi benda ni kita tau ker limit2 dia?

Kadang-kadang tu cam dah penat nak berharap.
Tapi harap2 ni bukan sengaja.
Dia nanti dengan tak sadar.
Tiba-tiba kita dah expect something.
Then harap it will happen.
And the cycle starts all over again.

Bila kita sayang seseorang, kita tak lari dari mengharapkan sesuatu kan?
Kita harapkan dia sayang kita setimpal dengan kasih sayang yang kita bagi.
Kita harapkan dia setia dengan kita.
Kita harapkan dia tahu limit2 dia.
Tapi itu harapan ker tanggungjawab?

Im sorry.
I tried.
I tried to find something that i could hold on to.
I tried telling myself.
But why is this still hanging on the very edge of my mind?

I feel like you're hiding behind the words you're speaking.
Looking at you, i felt blank.
I felt myself creating more questions.
You almost took my sanity.

I tried feeling confident with your words.
I wanted to believe, i swear.
I wanted to forget about it.
But it hit me hard.

You changing the words of the story.
Leaving me back to square one-clueless.

Can i start a new verse of the poetry?

Her.

Scene 1

(Adam and Sarah sitting on a bench.)

Adam: You know there are times whereby things are just perfect. Without you doing anything.

Sarah: What do you mean?

Adam: Like now. Us. Sitting here on the bench. Being with you, its just perfect.

Sarah: You love me Adam?

Adam: You have engraved your name in my heart the the first time we met and the first chapter of my life is already about you.

Sarah: (smiles.)

Scene 2

(Sarah sitting in the kitchen sipping her coffee. Adam came back from work.)

Adam: Hey darling. How was your day?

Sarah: Fine. (still continue sipping her coffee. thinking of something.)

Adam: Fine? hrmm. That's great honey. Have you eaten?

Sarah: Ahuh. Have you?

Adam: No, i was actually waiting to have dinner with you at home. But its fine dear. I'll just find something in the fridge.

Sarah: okay.

(while Adam ate his dinner...)

Sarah: What are the colour of my eyes?

Adam: What? Come again?

Sarah: Forget it. (walks out of the kitchen)

Scene 3

Jenny: Green. But when its in the light, its hazel with the outer rim being blue.

Sarah: (smiles.) But i never asked.

Jenny: You were thinking about it, weren't you?

Sarah: We barely knew each other. We just met.

Jenny: Love knows no boundaries.


Scene 4

Adam: I want you to close your eyes. Hold on, hold on! (while he takes out the cake.) Okay, now open your eyes. (sings happy birthday song.) Make a wish!

Sarah: (blew the candles.) Thank you Adam. (looks into his eyes.) Adam, there's something i would like to tell you.

Adam: Im sure that can wait. Cos i've got another surprise for you! (took out a picture of a cat.) Tada!

Sarah: A cat? But you know im afraid of them. Im allergic to cats. I hate them!

Adam: No, honey. You love cats. You have overcome your fears when i brought you to the pet shop the other day, remember? You even said this cat was cute.

Sarah: That's the thing with you. You THINK i have. But i don't! I almost pee-ed in my pants the minute i set my foot in there. I was finding all means to run. You see, its not working out.

Adam: What do you mean its not working out?

Sarah: US ADAM US! We've been married for three years. And you still know nothing about me. What are the colour of my eyes huh?

Adam: Is that it? Is that what you're angry about? Im sure i know. Its...its blue. Honey, wait. Where are you going with these things?

Sarah: Its not working Adam. Ive tried.

Adam: But we can do this. Sarah, we can work this out. I'll work on it. I promise. I'll cut down on my working hours. I'll cook your favourite food everyday. Italian. Just don't leave me. Please baby.

Sarah: Im sorry.

Adam: But where are you gonna live honey?

Sarah: Jenny's place.

Adam: Jenny? That new friend you told me about?

Sarah: Friend? Goodbye Adam. (about to close the door.) And oh, its green. And i love Japanese food. (door closes.)

I cried knowing you're there.
I cried knowing you're thinking of me.
I cried knowing you care.

I cried knowing you love me.

Would they understand our plight?
Would they understand your tears?
Would they understand my smile?
Would they understand us?

ni mungkin pedas.
tapi siapa yang terasa dialah yang rasa pedas nyer kan.
be prepared jer ah.
tapi kalau rasa diri tu takleh kena skit, tinggal kat gua ah!

aku tak suka cara kau treat dia.
tak baik sak. sungguh.
dia buat segala2nya untuk kau.
dia sanggup go all lengths untuk kau.
kau tak abis2 nak kutuk.
mesti ada something kau nak bebual pasal dia.
sudahlah.
sila appreciate.
bukak mata tu.

kau pikir diri kau tu baik sangat?
sila cermin diri sendiri.
sila eh.

perah minyak siol.

The pleasure of unleashing that stemmed anger.
That desire to hold that gleaming shining object.
To see your reflection in it.
To see that hidden soul.
That hidden self.
That someone whom you never knew was ever inside you.
To see that sinister smile.
To see her dead in your arms.
To see him begging you to forgive him.
Hearing all the improvised promises.
Pleading. Begging.
To see that flow.
Flow of blood in your hands.

The art of killing.
What a pleasure.

distracted.
not as if i wanted to.
but i was just strayed away.
for a moment.
im sorry.

why do people tarnish the beauty of love?
the meaning of love?
the word love itself?

why do people lie?
cheat?
on their love?

whats wrong with being honest?
whats wrong with being truthful?
whats wrong with sticking to one person to love?

When i walk around, i see them couples holding hands.
I see them embracing in each other's arms.
There, i shed the tears of missing you.

Its been a looooong while since i sat down and had a real chat with this biatch here. Haha. She was my bestfriend since what sec 1? We had the most huge fights, however we managed to pull though it based on trust. Because we trust each other. And we trust how much we know each other. She is Farah Junita bte Alias.

Today was awesome time spent with her. Quality time, that's what we had. And thanks far for the discounts and the calculatorrrrr! haha. we shall do this with the rest soon alrighteees? take care tatabom!

i think she's mad at me.
damn, im screwed.