Pesta Peti Putih

PPP-Pesta Peti Putih

i went to watch PPP yesterday! i was awesome! seriously...3 schools performed yesterday and out of the 3 schs personally i felt that we were d best! like totally!!!! i mean the script was great...everyone was in character...and was focused and could see that they were really giving their all! the first one was good too...i tink it was pioneer jc...very real..very true...and shows the kemaafan...while others didnt really portray that much...the guy who played d lead actor to me very cute...muker cam herizal osman skit2..but hrmms hes good cumer too much of thefacial expression that it seems fake somtimes like hes not being d character but just merely acting as the character...but who am i to judge...this is just my own opinion...but i really think hes cute! wheee!

but for us...i tink we were awesome and gues what...we won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wohohohoho!!!!!!!1 kudos to the cast and crew who made it happen! i am sooo proud of u guys! hhehehehheheh congrats people!!!!!!!

after that we went to lepak2 with sidek...at mcd...with initally alot of ppl..den reduced to me fie hydil sufi dessy sidek and hidir...(tak tau nak spell sorrie breder). then dil and sufi cioaz and left with 5 of us...rabak...lepak sampai kul 4 pagi giler!!!!!!! hahaha...talked about love blah3...was damn fun and yahh...found out about a few things...was reall nice...and MEREPEK!!!! kau hidir spoil d whole mushy2 feeling siak! ahhahah...merepek giler...then we walked home and since im slping at fie's house we walked home together with hidir and sidek. giler....was fun...and haiz....

found out something about me. i can't hang around with a guy who is damn nice cause i will tend to like that person...and dun ever look into my eyes when ur saying something cuz thats my weakest point...haiz...i wan comfort....

till then...kudos to titisan temasek....and miss my frens...

we made it thru...

hello to my faithful readers...who still read this stoopid blog of mine...haha

just now had dramatec audition for megas luna...hahah wass soo fun!

omg...u sguys shuold see it...im sooo proud of you people!!! realli..and we managed to get thru the auditions...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

firstly i wanna say thank you to all fer understanding my situation...i really am sorrie fer leaving u guys just like that...but those who read my blog should noe why and i shall not elaborate further. just read it ok. i love you people for still believing in me and still treating me as part of this...and i shall say again its our script. our play. our production.

fifi...a.k.a my beloved cousin...thanks fer being there for me..thanks fer still continuing with d directing...thanks fer being strong...noe that we always believe in you especially me...ur a potential leader...i noe that for sure...people either love you or hate you...but u noe that we love you for who you are...ur just you...and not somebody else...never pretend...shes fifi...shes my pillar of strength and my motivation in life...thanks fie..and as a queen u were awesome! oh god..i feel like slapping you sia! very d fcuked up faace!!!!!!! i sooo love it!!!!!!!! i can imgaine u wit dat face during ncc...hahahha

fima...god...u were great...i noe u had issues n probs just now...but u managed to put it aside..i love you...alot...ur strong...u noe that...and we will be here for you no matter whut...its ok....these kinda things happen...but u will get thru it..im sure u both love each other just that u both haf a lot of commitments...been tough..dun ever ask ur partner to choose between friends or love...fcuk those people who do that...please...dun ask ur partner to make a difficult choice liddat! think before u speak...

wan2...ohh i soo feel d love...d crying scene tho we all noe what i actually means...but u still delivered ur part well n managed to control ur emotions...lemme tell u sth about wan2...a.k.a rainbow...shes a very soft person...sensitive...warm loving act stupid but actually shes damn clever lahh...very farnie...irritating voice(hahha) but when shes sings oh god...soo sultry and sexy! she is easily affected by people arnd her...friends or strangers...shes d kind of friend who will cry with you and laugh with you whch i admit im bad at that...yess i can be d shoulder to cry on but i cant cry wit you...for you...i cant...my tears are just soo stubborn! wan2...u will definitely love her when u meet her...love you babe!

hena...anoder bitch! hahah soo conniving...and veryy...sly and wicked and very d fox-ish! ohh god...i sooo love her chracter and she delivered it realll well...kudos to you babe...u did us proud...anoder person whom u should noe...one thing...pretty...dammit...haha...tall...dammit-er...clever..dammit-er-er...and such a good actress...dammit-est! hahaha good job babe...

charm!!!!!!! my cool dude!!!!!!!! wakakkaka shes urgh! makes me fall in love with her...suave, romantic, cute, ahhh if only guys are like that! how i wish! hahaha...charm i sooo love you...we both hate our 2 classmates!!!!! whohohohoh! ahhahahha oklah2 me only...hehehhehehehe you fcukin bitch! hehehheh..muakz

athina...oh god...ur soo motherly...i soo love that!!!! u were flawless...soo natural...i love u babe..hope u feel welcome wit us n u noe comfortable with us bitches... keep up wt d good work and d warmth n all...excellent!

eileen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhaha sooo cute! oh tts all ive gotta say abt you. so damn cute...u just steall d tension in d air...u haf improved alot...and wow! ur just simply amazing! amazing! amazing! wow. wow. WHOW!!!!

TO US THE BITCHES...HIP HIP HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alhamdulillah....thank you god...for everything...

kudos to titisan!!!!

agm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

was sizzling hawwwttt....

everyone did their best....

i am sooo proud of evry single one of us....

actors...hosts...crews....

thanks evryone for this opportunity...

i would like to take this opportunity of thanking kak raudah...you have been a great tutor and mentor

illi....thanks for ur merepekness and ur tunjuk ajar...nanti malam i bagi u award ehh....wakaakaka

kak fatin...d gogeous nurul alike who is my abg nyer gf which makes her my sis! haha..tnx for d make up n commenting us n cuming down for our rehearsals evrytime just to teach us...

kak dessy...d sweet one...thx for ur guidance...

siddiq...alamak aku luper lagi spelling! haha thanks for evrything...for helping us...evry now and then...ehh ur gf really lawa sehh...hahahha thanks fer cuming kak farah...(i tink i got d name ryte)

kak mashita...thx fer ur help too with the make up n all...hearts!

kak farhana...slalu sak nak carik pasal ngn aku....hahah..thx babe fer pointing our mistakes n helping us to make this agm work....muakz!

to the rest of the freshies...kudos to us!!!!!! we did an awesome job!

i am sooo proud to be a part of this...part of titisan!

oklah now pics tiiiieeemmmmeeee.....

the humble slave...wilting and dying....

sorry for not blogging these past few days...didnt have the mood to do so...alot has been going on in my life....alot of depressing things...alot of decision makings...hope all these pass by soon...please God, you are the only one who can hear the pleas of this humble slave....

a tough journey i had went through
a tough journey indeed
where were you when i needed you the most
instead of making me feel better
instead of talking to me
instead of spending those few moments we haf together
and treausure them
you made me feel even worse
even worse indeed
why cant you hear this fragile heart cry
ccrying for help
crying for you to stop
stop insulting and degrading me
and start believing in me
starthaving faith in me
start appreciating me
start being proud of me
all you ever care was bout yourself
ever spared me a thought?
ever pause for a moment before you even say those nasty comments?
the pain is tortorous
i cannot stand it anymore
its unbelievably unbearable
God, please hear this plea of the humble slave...

that day was the worst day of my entire life...
never have i felt suffocated
and being forced to choose between two things that mean alot to me
how am i suppose to choose?
adding to that i was blamed...
by myself...
for putting others thru alot of trouble just to accomodate my needs...
and to listen to my stories...

why do i endlessly disappoint others?
why cant i make her happy?
contented?
satisfied?
proud?
no...why?

CUZ IM NOT LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD....

who is perfect in all ways...who listens to their mother...who never fails in their exams..who has the perfect figure..who understands her...

ALL THESE WHILE I HAVE NOT BEEN UNDERSTANDING YOU
ALL THESE WHILE YOU WISH I WAS LIKE SOME OTHER DAUGHTER
ALL THESE WHILE YOU WISH I WAS PERFECT....
BUT IM NOT...WHY?

CUZ I AM NOT LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD....

a cold space is between us
separating us apart
the world divides into two
my heart shattered into pieces
my unbreakable heart
is now unmendable
my utmost confidence
transformed into insecurities
my smiles and laughters
disappeared and replaced with tears
tears of a person
who just wished to be appreaciated and understood...
by her mother....

am i being demanding? selfish? is this too much to ask for? from your loved one?

do you think it is easy to give up the thing i love?
to give up on our upcoming project?
to give up on my own ideas?
to give up on our play?
to give up on our production?
to give up on all of you?
to give up just like that?
i dun surrender...i dun beg for mercy...
but do i have any other choice?
do i have any other ways?
do i have alternatives?

stop asking me why i do this
stop telling me not to leave
as it will tear my heart even more
i love you guys soo much
but i have to let go...
let go of something...
just to please my mother...
the only mother i have...

please help me pray...
pray hard that i will come back..
pray hard that the old hidayah will come back
as she is wilting and dying real soon
and a new person is emerging...
pray hard that hidayah will be back...
once again into your life...

i have...

today,

was ok...kind of mundane...but oh well....

kakak, take care of yourself kae...please eat your medicine! love you...

seri, take care of yourself once ur there...gna miss u sooo much!

i just realized.
that i have fallen for you.
your gaze. your touch. your aura.
made me realize.
i have fallen for you.

i know that you are interested in someone else.
but its ok.
i shall just be your friend for now.
hopefully you will realize one day.
that i have fallen for you.

i shall wait.
and keep on waitng.
and wishing.
that one day you will realize.
that i have fallen for you.

I must be crazy now
Maybe I dream too much
But when I think of you
I long to feel your touch
To whisper in your ear
Words that are old as time
Words only you would hear
If only you were mine
I wish I could go back
to the very first day I saw you
Should've made my move when you looked in my eyes
'Cause by now I know that you'd feel the way that I do
And I'd whisper these words as you'd lie here by my side
I love you, please say
You love me too, these three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
Till the end of time
So today, I finally find the courage deep inside
Just to walk right up to your door
But my body can't move when I finally get to it
Just like a thousand times before
Then without a word he handed me this letter
Read I hope this finds the way into your heart,
it saidI love you,
please sayYou love me too,
these three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
Till the end of time
Well maybe I,
I need a little love yeah
And maybe I,
I need a little care
And maybe I,
maybe you, maybe you, maybe you
Oh you need somebody just to hold you
If you do,
just reach out and I'll be there
I love you, please say
You love me too
Please say you love me too
Till the end of time
These three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
Oh, I love you
Please say you love me too
Please please
Say you love me too
Till the end of time
My baby
Together, together, forever
Till the end of time
I love you
I will be your light
Shining bright
Shining through your eyes
My baby

till den
missing everyone in my life...love you!

the pleas of a mother....

had madrasah early in d morning just now...hahah...fun2...

den went to eat prata at jln kayu wit momma n cik ba'ya n her kids n her hubby...we talked...about teenage life and all n how parents try to understand deir children n try to meet their needs but teens nva appreciate that n instead ask for more...hearing her pleas...brought me close to tears....teens..if u could only hear ur parents crying in their hearts and how they wished you would just once..just once listen to them..u will realise how much they love you...oh god...i could soo feel her pain....how i hope i could do more for her...

the rest of the day i just stayed at home and catch up with my sleep...tom's gna be a veryy long day...be prepared hidayah...

UNAPPRECIATED. UNLOVED. SUFFOCATED. EXHAUSTED. DEPRIVED. ALONE. ANGST. ANGER. TEARS. PASSION.

till den toodles!

bad day....

i had a fun day today...had titisan just now...we danced...moved...grooved...and acted...hhahha...fie....ur characterisation part was awesome...tho i WAS distracted by the farting noises and all sorts....hhhaha...anas nyerr kejer uh nie!!!

but i guess our play just now was the best so far..haha showed to HIS face that we are far off better....oh my god...cnt believe that he actually didnt want me n fie just cuz we outshine others...wth sakz!

oh wells...hahah a new way to spell mentel..MENTAL! hahha.....went to eat after that...n oh gossiped...alot!

yesterday, i had an emotional breakdown...like totally....i couldn't stand it any longer...im insecure...im lonely..i feel empty...i dont feel loved..i feel as if ive been neglected...i dun get attention from my mum..mum, i miss those times....i love you so much that i am hurting this much...if you could only see what i am going through. how i yearned your attention. how i yearned your touch. your praise. your words of encouragement...am i demanding alot? am i asking for something that is not possible? unattainable? someone tell me what i am suppose to do?

fie...thanks for yesterday...i cried...and you cried with me...you are the best sister that i ever have....you are the only one who understands me..i really love you....i really have nothing to say except that you are the best..the one closest to my heart...thanks...i really appreciate it...you are my idol..my motivation...my evrything...my sister...

yesteday had drama...discussed about magus luna...i...oh well...genie..make sure you will make this play alive...thanks nad for the audition and commenting on d script..i really appreciate it...thank you soo much...

to adeen...why do you have to do this to me? you know me too well. you know that i do not like her. cuz she always hurt you. but you are that blind cuz u only see her and noone else...thanks for hurting me again...thanks for going back on your words...said yu wanna leave her...and d next thing when she came back begging for your forgiveness, you just melt. where were your promises? where were your dreams to get over her? why do i always have to get involved with a guy who doesnt seem to appreciate me? do you even care about me adeen? do you even mean it when you sae you love me? do you mean it when you say you wanna leave her? i need answers from you! this is killing me adeen! have yu ever spare a thought for me? you are damn selfish and self-centred. but why? why can't i leave you? why cant i hate you? why cnt i just forget you? BECAUSE I LOVE YOU....soo much..nahh too much...that i cnt take this nemore...its gna break me soon...tell me what i should do...

life has been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me these days...i cnt handle it sometimes...but i will stay strong for others...for those who still needs me...

"I Won't See You Tonight Part 1"

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight
Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and loved

Building up inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me,
You're not the one to place the blame
As bottles call my name I won't see you tonight
Sorrow sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around meI cared for and most of all I loved
But I can't see myself that way
Please don't forget me or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight


So far away, I'm gone.
Please don't follow me tonight
And while I'm gone everything will be alright
No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight
No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

till then, signin out,
relinquish my love for you

fax machine???

today is really tiring...and was fucked up

i screwed my lcom telephone skills...dammit! she asked me abt doc cnt be sent thru fax machine. n mymind went blank. faarker! nvm...den i like just repeat m sentence. n the best part of it was " errmm i guess theres nt u could do abt it then ma'am." nice one uh hid....fuck mann! haiz....can't she ask me abt the meetings instead? why must she ask abt d freaking fax machine? stooopid sehh...n yahh im stuupid oso...dno how to ans..dammit mann!

yes...i was pissed! like damn pissed! met fie n hanan n den later on zahidah. sorrie hanan, didn't mean to show that side of me. but i just could not help it. sorrie agn babe...fie, zahidah...thx fer bringing my smile back agn!

then after that went to darul ihsan! whoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! met my two best gfs!!!!!!! zie n seri!!!!!!!!!!!! i soooooooooooooooo miss u guys....n love u both very2 much! had fun with the kids...n crapping with shamim...and missing muhaimin..who has left..i need to meet him someday...MUST!

now doing script for magus luna. overall the day was quite bad. well shits happened.

toodles!

exhausted....

hey people out there...how have you been?

haha...sorrie for not been updating....been fuckng busy lately...oh well....

lets start with yest....

the first time i actually know the meaning of exhausted...oh god....i was damn tired yesterday...had a short day in sch actualli but after school had to go all the way to sengkang to rehearse for the video producton thingy by nyp students. me, phie, fifi and mas are now known as the deadly sisters...muahahha cuz we killed our own mother....and guess who is the mother? a veteran actress...shes damn good lahh n sooo cute...she seemed agitated yesterday at herself as she could not speak englissh properly and she ws afraid that she will affect others' performance. hahha..soo damn cute....i had to be a normal student with a child. whow! hahah....i wonder why do i always get these kinda roles....*still wondering* muahha...but i lke them cuz its controversial and challenging to be that character. oooh...enjoyed yesterday tho it was madly tiring...and the fucking bus driver dunno how to drive properly..alamak!!!! soo mabuk mann! ahhaha...

after that had titisan..practise for agm...script was once again changed...n now instead of horny im known as flirty. haha cuz the way i act was more of a flirt and mentel jelitawan rather than a horny one...hahhaha..but i will instill some horny actions in my part oso uh...hahah....and yesterday's rehearsal was sooo damn farnie!!!! hahah i tink agm tis yr gna rawk...especially our titisan..hahaha loved u people...!!!

went back home and did my work and den slept...

*lately i can't really sleep very well...keep hearing voices...voices of the people i know...i want these voices to stop immediately as they're currently causing me to have a lack of sleep. im not sure what the cause is but maybe im just too stressed and tired. hopefully thats the reason and all these will stop. please God, help me....*

*lately i am feeling really empty too...i need a hug...badly...*

till den...toodles to readers of relinquish my love for you...love you people...

agm next week!!!

woke up late..haha at 9...and class starts at 9...ohwells....

skipped lsm n went for the next tutorial instead..hahha

after that had drama...bestttt.....heheh....gt script oredi!!! suker!

oh my god...agm is like next week uh! mati! hahah....

well now im tired...emotionally physically mentally brainally...hahhah

nites2...

newae i love zidane! soo handsome!

fcuked up day....

had a fucking day....

actualli early in the morning was ok uh...

went to madrasah...had exams..hahah last nite tried ti study but to no avail..ahha...fel asleep. end up didnt even touch aqidah..ahahha...ohwells...n fer d one i studied fer d oral..it soo happened that mine n a few oders r postponed. not enuf time...nice one uh!

haiz...and i was still feeling groggy n sleepy...wanted to slp but momma said we hafta go aunty ogy's place...how hard my heart says no i had to drag both my feet to her house...but when i reached there it was kinda fun. haha she bought the u-zap thingy and i tried..hahaha..at first it tickled...but after a while kinda get used to it...hahaha...

then found out had hw..thats when d fucked up mood came. actually i was in full spirits when i wanted to start with the assignments...buttttttt.....

my fucking laptop dun haf microsoft n all it has is this fucking word perfect..wtf mann perfect ehh??? ryteeeeeeeee! i spent like 2 hrs trying to realign the bulleted points cuz d freaking thing dun haf the err whatever crap..n i got sooo impatient i felt like throwing my laptop...yes...throwing! urghhh!!!!!

lucky thing charm helped me..thx charm...love you soo much babe....

ok...sidetracked abit..

these days...alot of people seem to be having bgr probs...breakin up....cheating on their partners...haiz...where has the love gone...?

kato-kato....top three guys????

yesterday....

had a great time!

went to the kato kato show with fie raudah farhana n fatin...hahha...sooo fun! it was an abstract play starring siddeq n oder people...to me t was awesome as it makes the audience think what they are trying to convey in their play...it was damn nice i tell ya...to me uh...tho theres a lack of the chemistry between actors and audience but they manage to get audience involved by speaking to them as in not interacting but saying their lines to our faces..hahha scarryyy at times..haha but i loved it. loved it soo much! hahahah hopefully fie dpt ilham dari sana eh fie! dil looked soo hot with the formal wear..hahahah!

after that went to eat wit them...best gilerr...first2 topic cam oklah...after that satu2 bukak rahsia..haha pasal llk...eeee gatal jgk doranggg! hahah...diam2 ehh....ahahhaha i really had fun laughing and all...kegatalan masing2 menyerlah! ahahaha

fatin ten had to leave..boring sehh fatin..hahha raudah had to go oso but we forced her not to leave...wakkaka...kasihan banget si lu...hahha...then we went window shopping and bought famous amous and gellato ice cream and went to watch supposedly fireworkd..but when we came there it seemed as if it was ovr but farhana said her fren sae hvnt..haha ok den we sat down n talked endlessly..halfway i had to take my leave to go my grandma's place to celebrate her bdae...it was drama there..hrmm shall not talk about tt...

so practically yesterday was an awesome time after a long time...we really bonded with the seniors! love you people!

zie...thanks for the comment..i love you and i hope its just a misunderstanding too....

hahah...thanks nad! yahh finally my own blog...tho its still naked but yahh...n sorrie i shall say for my lacking ability of spelling...hahaha

fifi...need to talk about magus luna!

fie...i had a great time yest...did you?

bitches...missing yaw....

seri...hope we can mend things...

farah...where are you? how are you???? tell me!!!! i miss youu sooooo much!!!!!!

raudah, farhana, fatin....*secrets* muahhahahhaha thanks fer the whole event!!!! send pics!!!!!!!

me:a bad friend

i am crying....crying my hearts out...

how could she do this? how could she doubt the love and loyaly i have in our friendship? how could she say we have not been truthful? how could she accused me that way.

how am i suppose to tell her and assure her she's always in my mind and heart? how am i suppose to tell her that i love her so much? how am i suppose to tell her ta despite my tight schedule she can always come to me if she has any probem.

frankly im bombarded with loads of projects and problems...why does she have to be sensitive? why does she have to be this way? why does she claim that i dont know her? why must she hurt me this way?

you should understand me...i thought friends should understand each other....i thought friends should know that although we nva contact each other they are still remembered...i thought friends should know that no matter what they can just come to them whenever they need help...i thought...i thought...i thought...

i was wrong...when i am realli busy people say i pull mysef away from them...what am i suppose to do?

someone please tell me what am i suppose to do? what am i suppose to feel? what am i suppose to react?

i am tearing....beacuse it hurts...it hurts when your friends say you do not know them...so what are those 4 yrs of friendship known for?

i am tearing...because she thought we are going our separate ways...

i am tearing...because i am feeling the pain. the loss. the yearn. the emptiness.

you do not know what i am going through. you do not know how i feel.

friends will not hurt other friends with her words....

thank you...

for making me realise what a bad friend i was.....

thank you....

for making me realise i am not worthy to be called a friend....

thank you...

for telling me i do not know you....

thank you...

for making me realise i have failed as a friend....

thank you....

for i am not your friend....

however...you'll always be mine....

megas luna....

sorrie did not blog yesteray...was too busy...haiz...with projects and all...

well yesterday...nothing interesting actually happened...

went home and started doing the projects

today?

today was really fun...wanna noe why??? hahah cuz gt drama!!!

in school was nothing...just had lecture...haha came late then had to sit alone below...

then during 10 min break during lecture...wanwan asked me a very good qn...that made me think...and ponder...hrmm...but yearh maybe i was the one who withdrew myself from them...dno y ehh....

then after lecture and tutorial...i attended this thingy which fadz told me about. hina fifi fie wan2 charm alia n mas were there too!

haha...i got the amirah part...a normal girl like you and me but one mistake she did...changed her entire life. she got pregnant and gave birth to a healthy boy. yet she is trying to mend her ways and trying to find her roots back. basically we are doing on some video project which fadz's fren needed some actresses fer the short err skit? fie fifi and mas are in the thingy too...sooo yahh that was fun! hahah

then we had drama...today's drama was fun as today firstly we had to do some warm up games that requires focus eye contact and alertness...loved it...soo farnie! finally my huggge ass was an advantage!!!

then after tt had a characterisation session...that was awesome. some were just plain boring while fie (acted as a perfectionist) wan2( a toilet cleaner) raz was ok2 uh...and oh yahh hafiz!!! hahahaha had to be a cacat person...so farnie but yeahh it was different from his horny side...and herzi( an indian busdriver)...they were all awesome! hahha...hopefully the rest are next week..hahah...i was already in character already then never present..hahhah..but nvm...next week insyallah will do d rest...

it was hard fer mie to get out of my character and i felt that i was snappy and yahh...hahha we were discussing abt megas luna after that...we have decided on the play...its called the three promises....tts all i shall reveal now...read my subsequent posts and i shall update you more about the three promises...im very excited about it as im preparing fer d script. fie is doing choreography...hina is doing make up....most probably she''ll be dancing...and act as the genie...err...fifi will be doing with me the script...wan2 hair...charm...costume...athina...props....and err the other girl i think amy will be in charge of the whole financial stuffs...hopefully this works yahh...insyallah....

when we went home...me and pika was acting all the way to the busstop. hahah switched roles very fast sia....we became makcik2 den indian/hindi ppl den maids...hahhaha tt was a ceeeeerrrrraaaazzzzyyyyy one! hahahhahha....love you pika!

babe...i am sorry i didnt tell you tt i was going somewhere else and not straight home...i shuld haf told you earlier...i am sorrie for the well...err argument we had...but yearh we're cool now...love you...

to hina...babe...are you ok? hrmm are you really tired?

to wan2...take care of your friend...do not leave her alone...be there with her ok...give her the confidence she needs

to fima...i love you no matter what...you are my love ok....

to the bitches: babes i am sorry if just now i just assign roles like that and u noe didnt consult you guys first...if u guys not happy tell me ok...and like i said cast not confirm but just now i was just dividing work among you guys to think about the respective sections uh...i mean if u guys haf any ideds to add just say soo ok...love youall...im soorie if i acted like well a freaking bitch just now....

to my stylique 6 girlfriends...i love you guys...where are you people?

to ama....miss you babe!

to the rest...hidayah love you!!!

when he solat.....

today was a veryyy hectic day i guess...

i was sooo tired and sleepy the whole day...

but during drama...i was myself...awake...fresh...hip...dan happening....hahahha

before drama had a chat with rainbow...love her mann...thanks babe fer staying back just to wait up for me...i truly appreciate it...hahah....had a nice conversation just now...gossiping and all...hahah

during drama did d spacejump thingy...was fun!!! haha...at one time a became a tok kadi...another time i became an excited girl who has just been proposed by her lover. and another one was with syida...acted as minah bawah block...nyahhaha.....

in between the session...i went to solat wit syida and others...then...i saw him! oh god...he was solat-ing...and when he read the ayat...it was sooo merdu and berlagu...God...i was melting inside...

haiz...to him...haha am glad that i met you today...made my day mann...haha..

to anas and hydil...shut up sakzzz...hahahahah love yoou peeps!

to fie...take care of yourself..uve been sick these days...!!!! plesae take care!

to bitches...will alwaes love you guys...

to seri...please tell me what r u feeling ryte noe...

to farah and zie...update me with ur life!!!

ama....i love you chicken!!!

to ikmal....hope you have forgiven me...

to zahidah...please stay strong....

to the rest...me, hidayah, will alwaes love you people....

PUBLIC APOLOGY ALERT!

im making a public apology here...

im sorry for what i said earlier..i guess i wass just upset and yahh ego n stuffs i post it up.

i dunno who to trust hence i hope you understand that.

sorry again....

sorry for spoiling your day....

sorry for making unnecessary comments and all...

just sorry....

p.s: you're the only guy who can leave me speechless...muahahah

missing you adeen....

im missing you...alot...

i still love you adeen...

a love you alot...

but till you have gotten over her i'll be apart from you...

it hurts to stay this way...

it hurts to pretend that everythings alryte...

it hurts to resisit the temptation to dial the number...

but i hafta be strong...

be strong fer the people arnd me...

im hurting inside...

hurting real badly....

associated with me no longer...???

todae....

hrmm what happened today...?

actually nothing much...i just could not wake up just now as i was reallly sleepy and tired...all this cuz of fifi!!!! laugh and laugh with her endlessly yest nite! hahahah

oh...wait...but after school just now...went to meet ferooze and lepak with muhaimin....we chatted and talk about our love life...hahah..had a nice time with the dudes! thanks dude for the aweeesome timeee....!!!

to *him*...eh wth mann...u dun wanna be associated with me nemore??? eh cmon uh pls....you think ur such a big shot? you think im still after you...you're just a piece of shit with nothing but ego and self-centredness! bloody ass! you're really nothing now....how can you not be associated with me when evry sunday we have religious class together and we WERE once together...but that was soooo long time ago lahh!!!!!!! you're that childish???? how sick! dude, grow up mann!

muhaimin...its ok...take your time dude....im sooo glad u quit smoking! proud of you dude...realli proud...! love ya!

ferooze...i love you soo much babe...made me laugh jerr....and tell me ok if ur liking a gurl!!!!

after that went to TM and shopped for formal clothings with momma. bought charles n keith shoes and a pair of pants from DANO. still hvnt find tops..oh well...tt can wait i guess...we were rushing cuz wanna send cik alus go jakarta...shes going for 3 mths...follow her husband...maybe after that go back singapore or eother go austrailia....tt lucky sarah(her daughter) so young yet she had been to many places...cmon ppl imagine a 6 yr old girl already knows town and alwaes demand her parents to go town evry friday night just to eat swensens or to watch movie. ishhh!!! jealous me....! ahhaha tt cute adorable sarah...shes just irresistably adorable....

after that the whole family went to eat at mc d...tok abas treat us...haha...ate like pigs...ahha nolah...i was hungry...didnt eat whole dae except for kinder bueno and hello panda and ice cream cone...soo yahh i was damn hungry when i reached mcd....

so practically thats all...i am very tired now but i still hafta think about lcom presentation tom...haiz...dno lehh my grp members dun wanna do....

till then...to all my dudes and babes out there..please do take care and will alwaes love you guys...

p.s: fima, wan2 and honey...i love you guys soo much...truly...we are like sisters oredi....wan2...u'll alwaes be in my heart....ur strong girl...very strong indeed...i admire ur strength....

alia....im sooo happy for you...you deserve the happiness ur facing ryte now...

seri, farah, zie.....u guys will alwaes be a part of me...u guys complete me as a person....love you and missing ya'll

ama....take care...take evrything at your own stride...ill be ur strength ok...ill be here for you....love yoou gorgeous!!!

FAT. TERKEHEL. GUYS.

fat pig. fat piece of shit. fat girl. fat daughter. FAT!

i was initially damn depressed earlier in the day. yes i know lahh ive put on weight and i noe im fucking ugly...fuck lahh....

went to the jemputan crapp...yearh it was crapp!!! the whole event is soo draggy and boring...i was so bored and sleepy and pissed and tired and fucked up.

but well shit happens.

i was made to sing during the jemputan thingy. sang wit cik bob. haha....was farnie cuz d song i hafta tarik my voice n yearh...duhh terkehel and hahah dunno sum parts and went out of tune...haha but that was d only interesting and fun thing i did todae besides at madrasah..hahaha....

why i agreed to freaking sing?

haha i oso dno y..but yearhh tho i noe my voice sux like crapp i just wanted to try...wanted to get rid of this malu feeling..hahah...hilangkan kemaluan...nyahahahaz.....hopefully as time somes...i will improve...insyallah...

and for my crappy singing gt present summore. i dno weder d dj deaf or sth. ahhahah...but yearh appreciated the gift. ahhaha...owels...

now its already 1 am plus n still not aslp yet. fifi is here. sleeping beside me...hey dun think stooopid stuffs ehh...we alwaes slp at each other's places...her home is like my 2nd home...her momma is like my momma..my ibu is like her ibu....just try to sound that u understand everything or else ill feel im tt dumb. ahhahah

guys...why cnt they get it into their freaking head that once u made a mistake dun u ever repeat it mann...especially when ur talking about having affairs and all...why are you destroying what you have built and established so far? cmon guys...im sure you people are better than this!!!

please stop hurting my friends....

girls...be strong..no matter what you are facing, know that god will be there for you and im alwaaes here for you....love you babes....

my first....

this is soo cool...i have always wanted to post a blog..haha finally i did it...

why do i post a blog?

because i want to be heard. wanna reach out to people thru here. wanna share my life. life should not be filled with secrets. like i alwaes sae..."barney sae must share" heheh....

today...i went to titsan...enjoyed myself very much...we had spacejump thngy..but was abit dready cuz ppl like ni energy lidaat but i noe we can do it...i believe in my titisan egm grp...they are fantastic frens and actors and actresses...after that we did the skeleton for agm nite thingy..i had to be a "horneyy" jelitawan...err...ahhaha....no comments. but i enjoyed it. alot. haha...

then went to syf with faz my brother acap and faris (a confused ahha smart intelligent humorous and very friendly and a nice guy and he looks good and smells good too!)...yeayhhhhhhhh tk wonnnn!!! wohooo for like err 6 times or more im not sure but yearh noone can beat us..insyallah...

after that went to mcd to eat...haha i was queing for food and i turned. i saw this cute looking guy. am not sure of his age. but i swear he ws damnnn cute. he saw me and he smiled. that was it. i had butterflies in my stomach!!!

then when it came to my turn to order, he had ordered and wanted to go off. he went to the door. i turned back to the counter. haiz...i sighed.

after ordering, i looked arnd and......

i saw him! again! he didnt go out of mcd...yet!

i was sooo ecstatic and speechless....he looked at me...we stared for like 2 secs...then he smiled and waved at me. duhh...i waved at him back too! hahaha

a complete stranger. a complete dazzling smile. a complete perfect way to end my day.

to the guy...if by any chance of god's will....u read dis post...thanks for making my dae...

and to faz and faris...thx fer d awesommmme dae!!!

and to agm grp...i had fun having lunch witcha guys...

to fifi-mu dearest cousin whom i love most...i love you...and please get well soon. take care honey...