Tata (x19)

cdkdbHAPPY NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY TATA-BOM!

haha. she had a blast last night. it was so nice to see her again. aziemah, sery and shahrul were good organizers. so much effort and time were taken to do all the planning. congrats to them cos the party was a blast as well!

it was lovely to see all of them again. and yes, like she said, lets start a new chapter of our lives. i agree. i missed them too much.

Tired.

All it takes is one day for me to just fall down and cry it all out.
Before i stand back up again and and continue the marathon.
All i need was just you to be strong.
Just for that day.
But it turned out that both of us were weak.
And we fell. Together.

He snapped. Those eyes were scary. Couldnt even bring myself to look at them for long. Trying to keep it cool.

I snapped. Trying so hard to keep myself from shouting. Keeping my breathing constant. Trying to keep it cool.

It was a scary night. At the same time, a night that calmed the emotions within. Im calmer now. Just still drained from a busy weekend and from running the marathon.

For now, holding hands with him, skipping and walking at times. Looking at each other. Laughing. Having fun. Both still tired so shall take things slow and not running too fast.

I love him and will always will.

Tangled?

Im feeling pretty messed up right now. I dont know. Just feel like theres alot of things are in my mind and there are alot of things i have not done yet. But the thing is, the mood is supporting the procastination. Im so lazy to do anything. I just wanna stone, can?

I wanna meet you. But i dont wanna meet you.

yeah, pretty messed up.

The Anniversary Date.

Today class finished early and there was no apel lesson just now so im back home very early. It was nice passing by martyn while going out of school and he was rushing to school. Hahahaha!

Let's talk about yesterday...

Since wan was sick, he is afraid to go further places. So we decided to go to the beach. Woke him up around 5.30. Was out on the way to the beach already when i called him again to ask where he is. He just got up. Oh well. So i just went to the beach first to have some quiet alone time. Admiring nature's beauty. Wan then said hes gonna come after maghrib since its gonna be maghrib time. So i went to search for some food. Thought of munching some stuffs. But when i reached e-hub, i detoured my intentions. I went to buy a slice of cake instead. White chocolate with rasberry something2. Haha from mc cafe. To celebrate our anniversary. But too bad, wan didnt bring his lighter. Hehe. So when he came, surprised him with the cake. Sitting at our usual breakwater, we ate the cake, he played the psp. We just sat down to enjoy the moment together. Been awhile since we've been to the beach. So, there it was, our anniversary. A starry night filled with hugs and kisses. It was short but a pleasant night.



On a side note,

I am paying more attention to small details now. Not for him. Not for anyone else. But for myself. Just to make me happy. I just want happy moments for now. So, things that might spark an argument im just letting them go. Hopefully you will know how to handle my heart better this way and i hope i can be a better girlfriend by being more understanding and patient. Hopefully this is good for us.

Ps: I love you.

Blessed.

It started with a blanket over the sky.
And the clouds started to cry.
The sun was nowhere to be seen.
And everything seems so mundane.

I was too lazy to get up for my lecture. Haha. The weather was no nice to just snuggle up in bed and sleep. But my phone kept ringing. Poor baby of mine. Today wan didnt go to work cause hes having diarrheoa. Hes tummy has been sensitive these days. Sounds familiar? Haha. He once said, "Kita kan kalau sakit share-share." Kesian dia. Maybe i would visit him later if hes not well to go out. Cos' thought of going out and celebrate our anniversary. Never mind, can celebrate underneath his blk. hehe.

I miss him, alot.

And i miss my girlfriends and my cousins. Feeling abit emo today.

But at the same time i feel blessed today, to know that i have alot of people to love. There was once a saying that said, "To feel blessed is not hearing how much people love you, but how you can express your love."

so, till then, God, thank you for having all these wonderful people around me to love.

Baby, i love you.

16 months.

First of all, Happy 16 months to us my dearest...and i love you so very much! =)

Had lunch with baby just now. After going for his interview of some test, he was hungry so rang me up for lunch. We ate at the kedai kopi near my place. He was tired after that so after lunch and hanging out on the sofa outside my house, he went off. With a kiss planted on my forehead.

I felt alil off today. Felt very restless and craved for some ice cream. Must be the menses. Haha. It did affect my mood with him in the afternoon. Was disappointed and all but then, i let it go. Just found no use in feeling down and spoil the day. Its better letting it go and enjoying whats left of the day, right?

And with that i want to say how much i love and miss my boyfriend.

Its a sunny day! =D

GOOOOOOOOOOD MORRRRNINGGGGG worllddddddddd! =D

Alright, here we go.

Yesterday had my partnership and accountings test. Was okay, i think. I mean i dont know. Like it scares me that its doable. Its 2 questions only to be completed in 50 mins. I went out early. Another thing that scares me. Cos i didnt wanna check my paper. Haha! Just wanna get it done and over with. Oh well, thats over.

After that had drama. Discussed a few things about our concept and our story line for Magus Luna. Then after drama, me kakak baba went to Long John at Tamp to eat. I damn hungry sia last night. Supposedly, wanted to eat at kedai kopi near my house there with wan but i feel for long john last night. Wan decided to meet me after that near my place there. I think my stomach is still healing or something so i have to be really watchful of my diet and the amount i eat or something cos' on the way home last night, i felt like really puking. So i went home first to put my bag and all, and puked. Erggh. I ate too much cheese...yeahh, eu can imagine how the vomit looks like and tastes like. HAHAHA! reading this back, i feel like puking now.

After being done with all that, went downstairs to meet wan. Brought the PSP along. He played while i stayed by his side watch him play and at times i put my head down and enjoy the company. He will constantly pull back my hair and kiss me. hehehe. Up till now, after in a days time 1 year 4 months of relationship, i still feel the tingling sensation, the butterflies in my tummy, the adrenalin rush, the occasional blush, whenever he meets me or touches me. I am still very much or rather increasingly more with each passing day in love with him. All i can say is his charm and sincerity that makes me fall in love with him each day. Its like everyday, im falling in love with him. hehehe.

Well, these are the happy moments...When comes to the arguments, haiyooo damn emotional. haha. Adding to that, im having my period now, sooooo get ready for the PMS! Actually more of the demand for attention, the extra care etc3. Poor wan. Had to tolerate all these each time i my period came. Sorry sayang...

Till' then, enjoy the sunny day bebz!

weekends.

Ferooze, sorry i didnt go to eur exhibition on saturday. I really wanted to go, i swear. But my father asked the whole family to go to some carnival. Im sorry again...which leads me to the next part.

That saturday, supposedly me and wan go to the exhibition. But ayah asked to go to the carnival and asked to bring wan along. So my family and cik ogy's family went to the carnival first. Wan joined us later as he had to help his father to do some stuffs. When we reached, it was like pathetic. The carnival was a bore and a disappointment. Maybe it was towards the ending, but dunno lahh. It was just "Huhh? Thats it?" Haha. Apa dahhh! So when wer about to walk back to the car, wan came with his bike. So we detoured to the pasir ris park the spiderweb there.

So when we reached, we ate some biscuits and all. Then i was just mentioning to wan that i feel like eating lontong goreng. And then cik ogy opened the lid of the tupperware and there it was! LONTONG GORENG! hehe. it was like a second ago i told wan that. so, me and wan shared together some lontong goreng. it was damnn niceee. it was spicy and it hurts my tummy but it felt soo good! hehe. played with wan the PSP for awhile. asked him to try the stage that i was in. haha! so much of champion lahh ehh. heheheh! we talked, laughed. a very good family time together. it felt good. being with my family and him at the same time. sharing the same jokes. laughing about the same things. im glad that they're comfortable with him and him comfortable with them. there was this one point of time, i just somehow took a step back from my own point of view and viewed the whole situation, and smiled. it was such a nice moment. and how i hoped this wouldnt be the last. till the end of time? i certainly pray for that. anyway, we were stuck at some shelter cause it rained quite heavily. but after awhile, the rain wasnt as heavy as before, we decided to go off cause wer gonna go johor that night as well so need to send the kids home first. but kesian wan, it was still drizzling so he took the bike in the rain. sorry sayang! but anyway, hehe, while we were trying to get across the big drain at the park to get to the car, as my legs were short, i almost lost my balance. luckily, wan was beside me. haha! i hold on to him, and he pulled me up. awwwwwww. that moment, wohoooo! like wanna hug him and kiss him there and then.

so after all that, we went to johor. had prata. laughed in the car. pretty good chilling time. and went home and zzzzzz....

and just now, the whole family went to botanical gardens to watch izam's band performance. i enjoyed it very much. the music was fun! so congratulations to meridian jc band. awesome performance. ohhh, and i sooo wanna go botanical gardens again. this time WITH the camera. its so beautiful! pity wan couldnt follow cause he had to go to his cousin's place. there was a family gathering.

he had fun. i had fun. so thats fair for us! hehe...

BUTTTTTTTTTT i have like accounts test tom and im nt done with my studying. how? DIE! hahahahahah. oh well.

till then, goodnight beautiful world and sweet dreams!

You make me fall in love.

Good morning beautiful world...

My stomach is still hurting quite badly. I dont know whats going on. Maybe its not just constipation? I dont know, but i sure hope that its not something serious. I really hope its gonna pass after a few days.

Yesterday i had a long day at school. From 10am till 8.30pm. Had tutorial, lecture which we received our company law paper. I did terrible. No, not terrible. HORRIBLE! hehe. 14.5/45! Can eu imagine that? Oh god. And straightaway after that i had MLOCT test. Another eurgh! Its tough for me. Pray that at least i would pass...I dont wanna repeat my subjects! Haiyooooooooooooooooo. After that i had drama. Drama was so fun! We played some imitating games, then we did this improvised spacewalk, then we performed our pieces for Magus Luna. Eric and elias's piece was soooo funny that my stomach hurts so bad laughing! hahahahha. really2! it was suuuuchhhhha tickling piece! (whatever that means. haha!)

And after that, me with wan and friends went to catch Batman, The Dark Knight. Although we sat at the front row and it hurts our neck like crap, the show was pretty awesome. I never thought i would appreciate Batman. But oh, i fell in love with his bike and car! Damn, they were sooo hot. The movie was satisfying and ohh, i think Batman's voice is sexyyy? Anyone beg to differ? I mean its better than whiny immature Spiderman's voice. Not that i dont like Spiderman, i do! But just that i find his voice abit annoying. Batman's voice is soooooo deep. haha! Anyway, during the show, my stomach hurts like crazy. Cos' firstly i hvnt eaten my dinner. I had an early lunch at 11 plus. Since i didnt eat anything in the afternoon, i couldnt take medicine. And since i hvnt eaten anything at night, couldnt eat medicine as well. And during the movie, it hurts sooo bad! But but, my baby was beside me. Throughout the whole movie, he was holding me and didnt even wanna let go of me. There was this point that my back hurts cause its not a couple seat and it hurts when eur sides hit the hand rest thing. So i sat up. He hold my hands. And make sure hes in any way in body contact with me. Hehe. He's so sweet...(ok, i am so sorry if this is boring you or is making eu puke and all but eu can skip this part okay? hehe. sorry!)Keep asking me whether im okay. Hugged me. Even if it doesnt really ease the pain, but it helps put my mind of the pain. And it did feel better being around him. Why am i in love with him? Cos' hes just HIM. Baby, thank you. For everything.

Oh before i continue, you know the night before, he was supposed to meet me right, but he had some other plans and all. Yeah i was pretty upset cause like he said hes gonna meet me after each and every cancellation, but in the end he didnt. So i was pretty upset. And he was so cute! He kept apologizing, saying sorry and he was so guilty about it. It was already 12.30++ and he said he could come over my area and meet me for awhile. Haha. Damn, he must have felt guilty! Hehheheh. And he was being oh, so sweet! Saying, "Although my words are not strong enough to help you ease the pain, but im here with you ok..." And this heart just melted. Hehe! See, it doesnt take alot to melt me. And he need not have all those flowery language. Just him being nice and sincere, that can put me on cloud 9. (which is a brand of a chocolate) Haha!

Ok, so back to yesterday. After movie we went to Restu to eat and drink for awhile. I drank tea and shared maggi soup with him. We finished the maggi and i was thirsty, so i took a sip of his milo. Really, it was a sip. Ok, maybe a few sips. Hahahahah! And a few seconds later, im not joking, a few seconds later, i felt like puking. And yes, the minute i reaced the toilet, i puked. EVERYTHING. The food wasnt even digested yet. Erghh. And couldnt stop puking until everything comes out. I was like please, please, at least leave me some food in the tummy. But that didnt happen. After puking, i felt worse! My tummy was like so tight. And i felt so giddy. Luckily for me, zul brought his lorry. So he sent me home.

All in all, yesterday was sickly but lovely as well. =)

Well, i dont feel like studying for monday's test. And i hopefully am going to ferooze's photo exhibition and tomorrow am going botanical gardens. Tell me when am i gonna study? I dont know. Really. With my condition like this, i just feel like resting and lying down.

So with that, good day world. And beatiful sunshine, shine all the love to all of us here. Let the love put a smile on our faces. Cos' i wanna share this smile with everyone. =D

Baby, you're my world. Loves.

Appreciation is the simplest thank you.

Firstly, thanks to all those who left a comment on the previous post. Thank you so much for the love and concern. From the bottom of my heart, i really appreciate it. Thank you. =)

On a happier note, me and him are going on well. Those blurr moments were passing by now. And we are both in a happier and brighter light. He was just stressed up with his current situation and tired and all, and me being stupid just had to be emotional and sensitive. Haha! Things with hidayah at times dont change. =P Anyway, no matter what it is, no matter what happens, we know at the end of the day, what we want, who we want, and who we love. And that for me is the most important thing. Believe and faith. So lovers out there, give your man a break. They at times need comfort as well. And need the "Dear, you're gonna be fine. Im here for you." Not just us ladies, them men want it too. He said this during one of our online chat, "Im sorry for being a girl." I realized something. In relationships, there are no such thing as im a girl so therefore i need to be MORE pampered and cared and loved and given more attention while you being a guy MUST be strong, provide me with security, spend your money during dates, buy for me things, surprises me, constantly says i love you etc2. In relationships, you share all these things. At times we have to be the guys and them guys be the ladies. So again lovers, lets be fair to them men. Lets be equal in our relationships and be it men and women, work hard for your relationship TOGETHER. Move the boat to where you want it to be. Good luck!

Just a lil recap, yesterday, after school met him for lunch at kfc near my school. It was fun! We had psp and he was showing off how "champion" he could be. Haha! We were both showing off our skills playing Diner Dash. Haha! We laughed, ate and most importantly, had fun. And that, i treasure. Cos' in a relationship, try to have as much fun on dates as possible cos' whent he dark days come by, you use this fun times as your shield to be strong. So baby, if you're reading this, i AM the champion! heheheh...try proving me wrong by playing this stage i saved for you. see you later and try proving me wrong okay bb? haha!

And today i didn't go school cause my stomach hurts so bad. And i had migraine. Went to the doctor and she said i had some constipation problems. And guess what wan said. And this is the sentence for the day thats gonna make me laugh each time i read it. "Your stomach is full of shit!" hahahahahahahhaha!

With that, goodnight everyone and have a good rest. Loves.

PS:I love you muhammad ridzwan. Always and forever.

Kata-an.

kadang-kadang tu kan, aku ada duk pikir kan.
makna hidup aku sekarang.
kadang-kadang bila jalan ramai-ramai, aku tengok yang lain.
semua dengan partner masing-masing.
mana yang pimpin tangan, mana yang jalan bersebelahan.
abeh bila aku tengok diri aku sendiri, aku kat blakang.
yer, mungkin ni rintihan.
atau aku sedang beremosi-an.
sebab kelaparan.

tapi, aku kadang-kadang tu, nak jugak lah kan
kau pegang aku nyer tangan.
nak rasa lah jugak dibanggakan
sebab kau ni dia nyer perempuan.
tapi, susah lah kan.
permintaan yang bukan-bukan.

sekarang ni kan,
jarang kau cakap kau sayang.
message pagi-pagi pun takder lagi "good morning sayang!"
ni melibatkan hati dan perasaan.
jadi sabarlah kawan.
jangan putus harapan.
percayai diri sendiri,
yang si Dia masih sayang.

MALU!

Geram lah sehh.
Bebual banyak, buat nyer tidak.
Kita biar rendah diri, walauapapun.
Jangan rasa diri tu bagus atau champion lah kan.
Please, do yourself a favour.
Aku sendiri yang malu lah sehh.

Drama.

When visions that you foresee, aint no longer there.
When happiness that now you have, vanish into thin air.
What would you do?
How would you feel?

Just some random thoughts after watching this drama at suria. Really, it really touched my heart and i cried. It was so sad. Like you fell in love with someone, and even wanted to get married with that someone. Then there was someone else who interfered and somehow, use mean ways to get you. And your love has to be sacrificed. Gosh, i cant bring myself to even imagine that. Its very scaryy.

And at the same time, what if after marriage or after a long relationship, you realized you're being with the wrong guy? Or you lost the love that both of you shared? Or found a new love?

Oh god, oh god.

I just wanna cry.

Its been awhile i cried like this.
My chest is so hurting.
While swallowing back the tears while in the rain,
I couldn't breathe properly.

Dear God, wash these tears away with the rain.
Please.
Cos its not getting any better.

Lepak.

The day started with plans cocking up.
With me just lying down on sofa.
Doing my stuffs.
And was f-ing bored.

My day was pretty mundane and it was going down the drain.
Then ayah and ibu asked to join them to go Auntie Liza's place
When i actually thought of thinking of going esplanade ALONE.
Baby already didnt allow me to go. But me being rude i said, "Biarlah."
Tsk tsk tsk. Hidayah, hidayah....

Anyway, im dissapointed.
I was really sad about it.
You guys went dinner.
And i know nuts about it.
You could have asked me.
I planned to meet eu guys.
But yet, haiz.

But then again, there is noone but me to be blamed.
Who ask eu to cancel on them soooo many times?
You deserve it!

Haiz. But put the sad note aside.

I went out with Wan and Afiq, Aiman and Zul.
Afiq, Aiman and Zul picked me up from Auntie Liza's place and Wan met us there.
We went to Changi.
And chill.
Whow, we talked from topics to topics.
Sampai 2.00 pagi beb!
Gerek, gerek. Hahha!
"Never break the bond of the brothers!" -No. 1 rule!

I love them. And i love Him!
Now that his jacket is with me, its keeping me company all night long! haha.
Baby, i miss your kisses.
Loving you sweetheart!

And Afiq, its the green light.
GO!
HAHA.

You know the feeling of being sick?
Like helpless and feel sooo...ergh.
Yeah, thats how i feel.
Like im dragging my feet to walk.
Dont even have the energy to smile.
Like i have to force myself to smile.
And at times i feel like anytime, i could just drop on the ground.
And faint or die.
Haha. Dont know la. Just feel so sick.

And im not thinking.
I was crossing the road just now when the traffic light clearly showed red. But i still crossed. And i saw an oncoming car coming fast. But i still crossed. And im not even running to cross the road. I was dragging my two feet to walk faster. WALK FASTER and not RUNNING! i cant think!

i just feel as if im on the clouds or something. like in a daze. my mind's so clouded. dont know about what.

i wanna puke. im fucking hungry but nothing seems appealing to me except for COKE! which is NOT food. haiyooo...ive been drinking endlessly.

and i even have cold sweat at times.
signs of death?
oh dear.