22nd monthsary.

Happy 22nd boyfriend!

Yeayyyy...2 more months to 2 years...whoishhh...tak sangka menyangka nangka di atas kepala!

Nari...dayah jumpa wan around...8pm. Wan fetch dayah underneath my blk...then we walk all the way to downtown...on the way tu kita bebual nyer bebual...non-stop. Ketawa2...haha sana haha sini. Dah sampai downtown jalan2 jap trus gi makan!!!! Kat QB house...sedaaaaap....kita order couple combo. Kire ada 2 meals plus 2 salad plus 2 drinks. Puas hatiiii! Dayah ate the spicy drumlet chicken while wan ate the grilled something2. Hahah...We talked over dinner laughed at his stories during his OBS camp. Enjoy ehh dia ehhh kat sana...kita kat sini bak kata pepatah melayu jiwang, mandi tak basah, minum tak puas, makan tak kenyang, tidur tak lena, hidung dah tak leh bau, telinga jadi pekak dan benda2 yang sewaktu dengannyer...

Kita camwhore...bebual2 ketawa2...and really enjoyed our dinner. =)

Lepas perut yang agak kempis dah jadi kembong...kita jalan lah balik. Bebual lagi...ketawa2. Entah apa yang diketawakan pun tak tau. High jer kita nari...We held hands and the comfort and warmth just seeps into every veins in my body. Kita sampai dayah nyer blk then sit down, dayah massage wan...kesian lah pulak...sakit2 ehh badan ehh...hahah. Then kita amik lagi gambar2 abih bebual2...ketawa2...i just miss him so much and tonight was one of those high fun times....praises to God, alhamdulillah.

Last2 time balik, abeh wan surprise kan dayah...dia masukkan baju dalam bag dayah. Boleh2 dayah nak bukak depan dia tapi dia tak bagi. Kena kat rumah jugak. Bila dayah balik rumah, tgk, dapat baju OBS! hahaha...cute or what...tapi thank eu so much for that shirt. Shall remind me of how we have handled the 5 days without contacting each other. Oklah tipu skit, ada contact lah jugak. But there were a few days yang dia tak call langsung sbb takle pakai hp. hehe. Baju dia pun lawa sehhh and very the comfortable...tak pernah2 dayah gi OBS tapi ada baju sehhh...heheh. style or what?

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Dearest, thank you for today. Thank you so much. I have truly enjoyed myself and feeling you and having your presence is something i am treasuring so so much now. Well, this camp thing does make me the gfs a better person. Besides being independent, you learn to treasure the person more. Appreciate more. And most importantly bersyukur dengan how small the effort is.

You are the best boyfriend. The first and the last. And yes, i will love you till the day i die. =) May we last till the end. <3

im very protective of my hensem boyfriend. why?! got problem issit?

All smiles...

Well, that hug was definitely the medicine.
I just missed you alot.
We shall now move on, alright?

Now, the awaiting hug from him...
Ohh ohh...one more day to 22nd!

P.s: Im sorry wati once again...like i said, i will make it up to you. I promise.

Come sit with me...

I will sit here in silence.
Until you come here and sit for awhile with me.
Just awhile.

I was able to stand on mountains because you taught me.
I am strong enough to walk on stormy seas after you guided me.
Now i shall sit.
Sit here in silence.
Until you come here and sit for awhile with me.
Just awhile.
Just awhile.

That place

Amongst the din and crowd.
There i stood.
With a map written in an unknown language.

Its the same world.
Same country.
Same damn route.
But why the map?

Cos suddenly my feet dont seem to recognize the route anymore.
The buildings are now unrecognizable.
I am lost in my own world.

Yes, i am walking.
Im taking each and every step with every precaution.
Trying not to fall.

Then i started to remember.
We used to walk this route together.
Laughing and sharing.
That same road.
Now is deserted.

Cold.
Its very cold.
Its too quiet that its starting to scare me.

Is there anyone to help me?
I just want anyone to help me, please.

But as im crying out loud to be heard,
I find myself calling out your name.
I find myself running to the place.
Where i know you would find me.

Where we always find comfort in together.
Where we wait for one another.
That place. Those memories.

I dont know whether i should go there.
If i do, what if you dont come?
If i go there, i would expect you to come.

I tried stopping myself.
But im here.
Waiting for you.

Would you keep me from danger?

Keep me safe.
Keep me sound.
Keep me rooted to the ground.

Would you?

You and me.

Where it used to be both of us against the world.
Where it used to be us hand in hand learning about life.
Where it used to be us, and always us.

Now its just you and me.

I just wanna run to you
And hug you
And tell you that im here for you
And say im sorry
And tell you how much i need you

But its now just you and me.

Panda Porn?!

Ok, something funny i just heard from the news.
Panda porn.
What the f*** is that?!

Hahahha.
I didnt know that animals watch porn as well.
Hahahha.
Ok, something new learnt!

Anyway...

Boyfriend msged me in the afternoon asking me to call him immediately.
He told me that he couldnt call me at night as he would be camping outside and could not use the phone.
Poor dearie.
And poor me as i wont be hearing his voice tonight.

But i guess i am so lucky to have a wonderfully responsible boyfriend and made sure he lets me know that he wouldnt call. He took the extra effort to msg me using his fren's hp and let me know of his whereabouts and made sure i am doing fine.

I love you dearest boyfriend.
And i miss you so much.
Counting down the days.
And ohh...3 more days to 22 months! =D

Future.

Will you marry me?

My baby has gone for his OBS camp for five days.
Five days without handphone and no means of contacting him.

Cos he had to surrender his phone.

Every minute, i would think of him.

Has he eaten? How is he? Hows his knee? Is he having fun? Is he tired? Whats he doing now? How was his lunch? What did he have for lunch?

(And the qns go on and on...)

And i couldnt do anything about these questions.

All i did was tell myself that hes taken care of down there.

Gosh, the no-communication-thing is really killing me.

I really felt lonely and lost.
He has been my strength and my sense of direction.

Without him, my boat seemed to be just drifting by.

Without no captain of its ship.

Without any map.

Im lost.

Weak.

Scared.

Then came his sms just now at 9.54pm.

"Dear its me ridzwan ur bf here kol me tis no. I pakai my fren hp. Kol u tk dpt"

Can you imagine the euphoria i felt?
I just reached home from the hospital and was about to get some food to eat.

I straight away put my plate down and called him.

And the first thing i said,

"Sayang!!!! Oh god, i cant believe im hearing ur voice. Oh my god. Oh god."

And we tried to catch up with each other within that 10 mins conversation.

I swear hearing his voice felt so good.

When he had to put down the phone cos hes fren gotta use it back, i really didnt wanna let go.

But he said something which reminded me to appreciate the quality and not the quantity. =)

Last night, before he slept, a goodnight msg from him.

"U'l alwaes b on my mind syg"

These words i swear melted me like crazy.

Haha...rarely do i hear these things from him.

He never fails with the "luv u miss u" and he would literally get angry and upset with me if i did not return back his msg/chat/phone convo with "love u miss u too"

But to hear things like i will always be on his mind is something extra sweet from him and oh god, i melted. Hahah...

Susah tau nak dapat wan say sweet2 things...

Kan kan b? Hahah. =P

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I could never imagine myself being with anyone except him.

He completes me in every way.

He makes me fall deeper in love each day.

And he made me realize that love knows no end and boundaries.

I used to think that there is a limit to loving someone.

But he made me see how amazing love is

And how amazing is his love for me.

Till now im amazed at how foolish he is to love someone like me.

I really pray that i will be the one for you in the end.

When i see young couples getting engaged etc, when i see the wedding ceremonies, when i see babies, i envision myself sharing all that with you.

Im glad to be accepted by your family and im glad that mine has so much faith and trust in you.

We have brought our relationship to the next level, my love.

Now its time, to work hard to bring it further up.

I want to spend my whole life with you, start a family with you, experience marriage life with you.

Your love makes me have faith in love.

Life.

Marriage.

(Rarely do i talk about marriage here in my blog. So please do bear with me on this. Haha. I seriously have no idea why im suddenly talking abt all these.)

Take my hand. Walk with me through the deserts, through the stormy seas, through the dirty jungle. Cos i know in the end we will find our heaven. The place where i see myself with you. Us and our future.

I want you to be the only man in my life who loves me and whom i love, endlessly.

Thats you muhammad ridzwan, my endless love. <3

18 January 2009. Baby Zahrah.

First and foremost, let us all welcome the new princess...SITI ZAHRAH BTE MOHD NIZZAM!

Yeayyyyy....adorable cute and pretty! She's got a clef! Confirm besar pretty sehh. Hehe...She was born on 18 January 2009, 3.50pm, at East Shore Hospital.

Im now known as Aunty Yayah! Haiyooo...aunty?!!? Heheh...my future anak sedara...(insyallah...) hehehe. Kak Nur gave birth to this wonderful baby girl and what a wonderful day it was yesterday. I was anxiously waiting by the phone for any news and updates and then wan msged and told me both kakak and the baby are safe. A huuuge sigh of relief with countless alhamdulillahs...

I went to cik ila's bbq first before heading to the hospital to visit kak nur and see the newborn princess. When i came, there were like many people. Oh god, when they were asking me, i just introduced myself as kak nur's friend. Me and kak nur made a pact already. Cos i was scared that the mother will not want my identity and relationship with wan to be disclosed. Hahah. But apparently, instead of the mother being on the same page with us, she was instead the one telling people, "ah ni wan punyerr..." haiyoooo...seram babe...ni kalau tak jadi, malu aku! hahha...

And there was his family. A huge family indeed. But the funny thing was the whole time i was there, me and wan did not talk or look at each other. Hahah. Kononnyer nak step tak kenal. Hahah. Didnt know that the mother tell everyone readi. Wahhh...scared lah seyyy!

Well, now that we're known, it better work. Hehe...

I love his family. I never imagined that i would be accepted as their own. They are always full of warmth and love and you will never feel out of place with them. They will include you in their conversations.

Today, i visited kak nur again at the hospital...(Sorry wati, i cancelled our plan!) Spent more time with my baby girl...Hehe i held her most of the time, fed her milk and burped her. Abang nizzam said that i would be called bibik yaya (cos of my javanese race) eeeeeeeee bibik?! nanak...nak aunty jugak. Aunty yayah...heheh..kauz...i feel old la siaaa!

This little girl will be pampered by me, DEFINITELY. =)

Sore.

I woke up feeling sore today.
After the cryings last night.

The failure to hear you out.
The failure to understand you.
The failure to see
What you see.

Will you let me go tonight?

Double date!

17 January 2009.

Nahyuniwati & rahmat. Nurhidayah & ridzwan.

Ehh...N&Rs. haha. ok, i just realized that.

Anywayy, we headed out to orchard. Went to eat at sakura. Had a huge feast. But i dont know why i was hungry but nothing seemed appealing to my stomach. Just didnt feel like eating yesterday.

Then we went walking around town. Wanted to watch movies but all movies backfired on us. So instead we decided to go bugis after that. With my high heels, we walked frm some busstop all the way to bugis. Yes, as expected the crankiness and easily annoyed attitude. With only 3 hours of sleep the night before and with the feet almost snapping in two halves, i was superr cranky! Had a lil tiff with the boyfriend, haha. But after a while, got over it and enjoyed whats left of the day. Boyfriend bought me a sandal hahah after my endless complaints etc.

Been awhile i had spent time with wati. And it felt so good to share the fun moments with her again. =)

A HUGE thank you to them, for the fun evening!

P.s: I had some bimbo, rude, silly moments yesterday. Hahaha.

only you

and im missing you so much love...

come back home soon baby...

cos i need you.

truly and whole heartedly,

i love you.