Sunday, August 31, 2008

Lose yourself

sometimes people tend to forget about themselves. when things look good on their side, they tend to forget who they are. and where they come from. they tend to forget their responsibilities and commitments. that's when it comes back to you and your reflection. it comes back to the question of whether you respect yourself. if teachers dont respect themselves, as being teachers, the parents of the students and the students themselves, will not respect them as being one. and when you dont respect yourself, you forget the commitments that you have and the responsibilities that you are suppose to carry out. you simply forget yourself.

when people forget, and other people take advantage of it, things became worse. and you are drawn deeper into the world of distraction. and be lost and stuck in there. until the time comes, when lightning of reality strikes and you realize where you have landed yourself upon. distractions are not a sin. distractions are everywhere. tempting you, provoking you, testing you. it is at times okay to take in these distractions but NOT embracing these distractions. distractions are supposed to just make you feel at ease. and not more than that. when you get too involved in distractions, you bring upon yourself, TROUBLE. and when you're stuck in that pithole, you don't know what to do next.

but then again, tell me if i'm wrong, every wrong that you make, somehow a person of the right mind knows that it is wrong. you know that stealing an ice cream from the mama shop is wrong, you know it. you have been instilled with values that taught you that the act of stealing is wrong. but you still do it. why? because the tempation was strong. and somehow you are prepared to face the consequences. either knowingly or unknowingly. cos you know when you do something wrong, there are bound to be consequences you should face. before you plunge yourself into that pithole, you already knew there are bound to be consequences. but you still did it. and now when you're stuck, you expect people to understand you. YOU should put in the extra effort and understand them. don't demand their acceptance of your apology. you should put in more thought and effort to it to ask them for help to get you of this pithole. when you do the act in the first place, with full knowledge of the consequences, you were somehow willing to face the consequences. but now? when it actually happen, and you HAVE to face the consequences, what do you do? run away? apologize? face it? or just let it be? but the question is here, ARE YOU READY TO MAKE THE EXTRA EFFORT to get things back to where it belongs? cos the extra effort will not be easy. it takes time, it takes numerous setbacks, it takes alot of patience. are you ready to make that effort and make things right? DO YOU WANT TO MAKE IT RIGHT?

i've always believed appreciation goes a long way. appreciation does not mean saying endless thank yous to gifts of Gucci, Guess, Coach handbags, or a gift of a precious diamond ring, or a surprise birthday party. i mean of course, you WILL say thank you to all that. common, who you're kidding? i would kiss that person right away!!!

but im talking about saying thank you to every goodnight msgs that your partner or friends gave you. for every calls that they make to check on you. for the extra effort that they put in to have lunch with you. for every night your parents tuck you in bed. for something small. for an everyday routine. like your mum preparing breakfast for you. or how your friend always say 'You look great today!' or how everyday without fail you boyfriend/girlfriend says 'I love you'. have we thanked them? maybe we have said thank you. but have we really meant the thank you? have we really thought of the effort that they put in to do all that? preparing breakfast might be normal to us but it may not be normal to others. and we being unfortunate children just be ignorant to all that. your boyfriend smiling at you. it might be nothing to you but what if one day they are not able to do that? what if even they choose not to do it anymore? what will you do? regret?

we humans tend to overlook all these small things in life. what we thought is an everyday routine. what we thought is a necessity no longer a want. what we used to appreciate so much but with time passing by we grew ignorant towards it. full of ourselves, that's what we are.

it's time to say thank you. and appreciate the small things in life. they are much more satisfactory than the huge surprises. cos' huge surprises doesn't come every day!

:)

iloveyou, muhammad ridzwan.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

imissyou

i want more fun times together to last through 10 weeks of SIP. to last through those moments where i feel like screaming. to last through those moments where i miss you badly. and to last through those moments where i need you but you could not be there. i really miss you alot. i miss having fun and laughing with you. just let me have one more of that with you. just one more. please. and i shall be satisfied.

cos i really miss you alot.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

hanging on a line

im lost and so confused.
you left me stranded feeling helpless and weak.
now im left to pick up the pieces.
of what seemed like the good times.
and try to piece it together.

God, help me?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Happy 17 months to us!


Our pre-17 monthsary was spent going to city hall area walk2, buy old chang kee and watching the FIREWORKS!!!! hehe. finally, i get to watch them. our evening spent was alhamdulillah, lovable. hehe. i love you sayang. thank you for being with me for 17 months already...insyallah many more years to come?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Dear You.

i don't like doing this. i don't like doing this to you. it hurts me so much cos i had to resort to doing that. but i will only stop if you stop hurting me. i dont know whether you know what youre doing. whether you know your hurting me and making me feel so low. but i hope you will see that i dont wanna do this. but i have to do it, to protect myself from getting hurt further. so please, i beg you to stop.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dearest faith,
I have always believed in you. And always holding on to you very strongly. You are my strength to hold on. You are the reason behind many acts and doings. You are the reason behind every realization of mistakes and every tears. You are why i sprung up back from every downfalls.

Dear hope,
At times i get agitated with you. Cos each time theres you, theres expectations. And i set very high expectations of myself and others that i forget to even consider whether i or them could achieve it. Which then leads to disappointment. But each time im angry with you, you give me light. The light to move on. To see brighter things. To see the other side of the coin. To see the positive side. And i smile again. Cos with you, things always seem right on your side. And i want to make it right.

Dear love,
You are the one that paints my world with colours. Makes me excited each time i feel your presence. When i see you all around me, i smile to my fullest cos im surrounded by you. Cos i have you as well. Embracing my heart and filling it to its brim. There is beauty in you and you are what makes me feel special. You make me feel that there are people out there when i need someone to hold, to cry on, to laugh with, to smile at and to comfort.

Dearest life,
We went through alot together. Every ups and downs. Every depth and corner. At times i felt like giving up, cos you bring me down. And im too tired to get up or i just want and need someone to pick me up. You confuse me at times. You make me feel so low. So useless. Pathetic and weak. But you make me a whole lot stronger when i get out of all the pitholes. You make me see greater things. You make me want to achieve more. You make me want to be a somebody. You make me change. You make me think. You make me someone better. You make me a survivor.

Dear fate,
You are my reasons behind almost everything.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Twist and turn.

Just so you know, things are different now...

Saturday, August 16, 2008

saviour

im losing myself. someone, please save me.

and you bitch, you annoy me.

Friday, August 15, 2008

cherish the memories that you make.

we went through everything from the high ends of the mountain to the very bottom of the sea. sometimes we get tired. sometimes we get dizzy and we puked and got sick. sometimes, the smooth ride suddenly met a sharp bent and we had to turn around, detour, pace ourselves, speed up, and many others.

but what made it special was the fact that at every turn, every corner, every step, every move, you were there.

'don't worry, the day i dont love you is the day you're no longer my gf.' -him

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

To my baby,

Thank you, for everything.

Monday, August 04, 2008

HEY AKUK!

I don't feel like posting anything today but the irony of it all, im writing something here. Haha.

Im crazy about lisa amanda right now. Her annoyingness and shes so much naughtier now! Haha im telling everyone this. You know last night, she called atuk, "Hey akuk!" Literally. Haha. Like atuk her fren liddat. Shes only 3 years old, i think. Haha. She was so naughty. Brought her and hayden down when i wanted to meet wan to get his laptop from him. They ran around. Hehe. Yes, that small hayden as well. Its so nice to see all of them. Though they worsen my migraine but they made me smile and laugh and provide me with loads of cuddles! Hehehehe...

Yesterday was spent on studying and doing project which i found out today that project is supposed to be submitted on Thursday while last week's project was supposed to be handed in today and i didnt noe. KENTAL! So i rushed through it just now.

Civil Procedure's test was kinda tough i think. Especially for Section A, i could not find the authorities. And i wasnt sure for Section B either. And Section C took me by surprise. Oh well. Anyway, i think ive concluded my calculations that im gonna fail my coursework grade for Company Law which means i have to take supp paper. Ergh! So much of not wanting to take supp. Well, but i passed my MLOCT test. Alhamdulillah. Haiz. I badly need an A this year. BAD!

Thank you Fung Yen for helping me study for Civ Pro. Appreciate that alot.

Had lunch with kakak, baba and fima just now. Been awhile. I miss them alot.

Dearest baby, i miss youuuuuuuuuuu! hehe.

You are weird. Just weird.

We've gone too far apart, dontcha think? I dont know whats happening but i want us back. Please.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Blessings in disguise.

Its been awhile since i've updated. How things have been going on your side? Mine? Hrmm, i badly need a getaway holiday. This year 3 thingy has been taking a toll. Losing the proximity of a friendships, having so many datelines to meet, studying for endless tests, worrying for my SIP, managing time with boyfriend. Whoa. A whole lot. But one thing im glad for is that my family somehow, is very helpful at this moment of time. No chaos whatsoever. Home is where calmity is treasured.

Im glad that my girlfriend, is out of the hospital already. Was so worried about her. Im glad everything's alright now. We shall pray for eur health. And we will always be there for you, by your side. Its gonna be alright now honey...

Things look brighter on her side. Everything seems fine. Things look as if its improving. He is back with his charm. I really hope theyre gonna be fine. Cos' i want them back together again. Like before.

He has always been my smile. Hehe! I love him, and it will remain like that. Hopefully. Dearest, there is noone else that i want except you. Just you.

Goodnight world!