Punishing, i am not.

the loneliness i felt.
is when i realised how much i love you.
how much hurt you have caused
when once again
you walked out of my life.

it never occurred to me
that you would do it again
after what i have provided
after what i thought that i could be
the heal to your wounds.

then you walked out on me
closing all doors behind
not even a look behind
to look whether i am even alright

you treated me like a rubber band
you think my life can be pulled till its taught
or you can let it go when you are sick of playing the band

had it ever occurred to you
that although rubber bands can be stretched
and let go
but it can be snapped?
it can snap in a split second.
and it will hurt soo much when it snaps?

my heart.
i dont even know what im feeling.
because it shattered into so many pieces
that i am lost finding them
and wanting to piece them back.

had it occur to you
that nothing hurts more
than you coming back into my life?

if you want to leave me
why did you come in the first place?
why did you tell me you love me?
why did you made me feel right?

i used to think
that i will never fall in love again
because im so lonely

BUT I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT
I AM NOT PUNISHING MYSELF
BECAUSE YOU CHOSE TO WALK AWAY.

YOU CHOSE TO HURT ME
YOU CHOSE TO MAKE ME CRY
YOU CHOSE TO MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN

IT WAS YOU WHO CHOSE
AND I DID NOT INSTIGATE ANYTHING

"aku sayang kau dengan seikhlasnya. kalau inilah balas cintaku padamu, aku terima dengan terbuka hati."

Dear god, please allow me to let him go willingly....

princess hiesha